Just a Typical Day So Far

In this house a "typical day" is usually anything but for most people. My 6 yr old son came to me quite perky (& without coffee - how does he do it?) with a big smile & exclaimed, "Mom I opened the cage & petteded (yes, an extra 'ed' he's in speech) the big lizode & he petteded me back with his tongue." Before the cuteness of this statement could sink in & melt my soul the psychotic in me kicked into high gear! Trying to hide my alarm I said rather calmly (although fake) "oh, how nice, did you remember to CLOSE the cage again when you were done honey?" Relief poured over me like someone announcing Free Starbucks & I was the only person in line, his answer was "yeah". How did I become a mother yet again? I've somehow adopted in overseeing the care of GST. I asked my 17 yr old this morning if he fed & watered it.

Something is definitely wrong in a house where the people eat cereal for breakfast & a scaly, slithery thing gets scrambled eggs. I had 2 cups of coffee but still no real ambition to rectify this matter. So, so be it! My poor son got sent to school with a "wish-lunch" a pb&j & wish we had more to go with it. He won't eat the oranges because of having 1 slightly tart a few weeks ago. So the parrot eats the oranges, the rabbit eats the left over apple parts we discard & some carrots that I've yet to toss into a homemade soup, the dogs eat the sandwich crusts, can you tell we recycle avidly?! I'd say it's a wonder we need garbage service at all but there are still 7 of us here in the house so, who would I be kidding? Even on a good day I tell ya, it's at least 1 bag.

This brings me to the laundry situation. When I was young, way back in the day (how come I can remember that & not other stuff?) & I'd imagine what my life would be like when I was an adult, I never envisioned a sock basket overflowing with lonely socks crying out for their mates. I never envisioned dirty laundry comparable to Mt Everest in size despite doing 2 or 3 loads a day. I never thought about what I might be able to do with all the lint I scrape from the dryer's lint trap if I were more clever. The things we over look in life. Which brings me to my next point:

Like the modern day necessity of keeping a freakin' cow in the back yard for all the milk we go through. The people at the grocery store think I run some sort of youth camp since the entire bottom of the shopping cart will hold at capacity 12 jugs of milk & that is not, repeat NOT enough for 2 weeks. If I ever ask for help out their mistaken belief is then further founded by my moseying up to a 12 passenger van. They look in vein for some sort of sign telling them what charity I run. HA. Just your typical family & a typical shopping trip, but I keep this secret to myself & just let them wonder.

I think back longingly of when I drove a VW Bug & had plenty of room for everything I needed. Gosh, I had hip bones then too. Actual bones in my hips that showed rather than ached, gosh those were the days. I was very small chested but gravity hadn't torn me asunder along with multiple child births & everything was in its right place. Now I lay awake thinking of how to comfortably sleep upside down so gravity will reverse it's evil on my body. I haven't figured how to comfortably roll breasts like socks (provided you are lucky enough to have 2 that match) into a ball & stuff them into a brassiere. Maybe this is a secret that passed away with my grandmother. By the way, why is it when we are young we have freckles & when we get older they are called age spots?! Now that's just plain wrong! I call FOUL, FOUL I say!!!

While I am saggy & thicker & hide my hip bones well (from what & why I don't have a clue) & I'm no longer cool with a fun, zippy little car, I at least have children that light up my life (for the times when I can't pay the power bill on time) & I have a good pot-roast recipe. Add to that I can make some pretty good chocolate chip banana bread & life over all isn't half bad.