I usually have trouble sleeping but last night this was especially true. Not for the bodily aches & pains I generally medicate for but for the aches & pains of my heart. I mourn the slowly evident death of our society which Internet & media have both blessed & cursed us with access to. I mourn moral decay so brazenly displayed by so called pop icons in panty-less charades; those willing to do anything for a buck like film young semi-naked girls doing nasty things; people hacking unborn fetuses out of mothers' wombs, the kidnapping & raping & murdering of our nation's children. I am so hurt by the Va Tech mass shooting even living across the nation from it & not personally knowing the victims. I know I am not the only one mourning the loss of these fine young men & women. I cannot begin to fathom what their families & friends are going through. How troubled a soul must be to carry out these above mentioned acts.
Last night a friend in NY emailed me about her 3 yr old son going to show off his goldfish to her friend. Unfortunately one of the fish was floating upside down - dead. They discussed a garden burial with a ceremony or the usual fish burial at the porcelain sea. This sweet, young, innocent child of God was worried that Dorothy (the fish) wouldn't like being in the pipes but eventually decided this was the best option. He said a prayer & they flushed. He hugged his remaining fish & hermit crabs giving them a promise of better care. This act prompted mom to clean the fish bowl, perhaps dirty water had been a contributing factor. Upon the cleaning process a healthy fish wriggled loose & flopped inadvertently near the drain. This sent the child screaming in fear, causing the mother to scream & quickly grab for the fish. Luckily her swift hand accurately caught & rescued the fish & everything was fine. When she told me all of this I could not help but laugh out loud almost hysterically, envisioning this whole tale. Was this some sort of sick cathartic release on my part? Or, have I grown so callus to the ways of the world to actually find this amusing? The same child sat with his head bowed at breakfast this morning. His mother was trying to urge him to hurry so as not to be late for school. However, when she asked what was wrong she was told by this sweet 3 yr old child that he was praying about Dorothy. The mother applaudedly realized one cannot tell a child to hurry up while he is speaking to God so he was late to school. I had relayed to this mother that we must be tougher here in the NW. Sadly enough, my family has had occasion to eat their breakfast facing a fish tank which at times has had a dead fish in it long enough to start decomposing & being eaten by another fish. Is this a "circle of life" moment or are we so busy with our materialistic lives as not to be compassionate enough to even clean the dang thing out? Neither choice is good but both unfortunately may be possible.
I sit here, safely in my home, babbling on about whatever strikes me. I make note of our animals, and those only here as some sort of pet-hotel-guest. I tucked my 3 little boys in last night with my usual little saying that they now say with me: "Night-night, sleep tight, don't let the bed-bugs bite, have sw--ee--ee--t dreams, I love you & I'll see you in the morning". We often play a game where we "say it wrong" such as "good-morning, good-morning, sleep loose, let the bed-bugs gobble you to bits & pieces, have rotten-yucky dreams & I'll see you next week" or variations, since we now have a lizard (2 temporarily) such as: "...don't let the lizard bite" or whatever. My 6 yr old said to the lizard: "Night-night lizard don't let the humans bite" & I found this very funny & cute.
But, as the night wore on, the cuteness faded & the accuracy emerged: humans do "bite". We sub come to plaguing dark thoughts, we do bad things that can never be taken back & made right. Things that have lasting impact & a ripple effect on more than one would imagine. If one did take the time to contemplate these implications possibly the acts wouldn't be carried out. I imagine if one is thoughtful enough to think of these things one would never think, let alone act, on such horrible thoughts in the first place. A great Nor-Easter storm has struck & wreaked havoc as well. We have begun to rebuild our lives & a great city many years post 9-11, yet somehow the horrible devastation of that day came emerging through to the forefront of my heart when I read news of the VA Tech shooting. Our enemies need not be foreign, our enemies are often domestic, are often ourselves. How is a dorm shooting of 2 not enough of an alarm to close a school? Is it because our society has morally decayed so much? We've been inundated with hurricanes, floods, blizzards, get out the hammer & nails & find some wood for an arc!!! Do we even deserve salvation if this is what we've become? The fact that my heart is not alone in its aching for our nations victims, the children of Dufar, the homeless & sick & starving in foreign nations, is a good sign. The fact that children as young as 3 can mourn & pray the passing of a gold fish gives me hope. Our strength lies in compassionate hearts & teaching our children respect for life & their learning that humans do "bite" & to be cautious. For those of you suffering losses today, I pray for you, I mourn for & with you & I will attempt to divert your sorrow hopefully with a laugh or two when you & I are both able.
This morning I am fueled not by coffee but by a pensive heart (& diet coke). May God (whomever your God be or your higher power) be with all of you today & always.
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