Tongue in Cheek Parenting Advice for Staying Sane

• Duct tape is your best friend & does wonders for child rearing


• Benedryl is a cure all for your headache as well as a child's hives


• a long hot bubble bath & prozac can work miracles


• teenagers, God bless 'em, no matter how perfect they are, are God's hysterical joke on us all for Eve eating the apple & birth control 15 yrs too late


• if your teen is very compliant with all you ask of him or her on the very first request with no back talk or complaining, check the family car for dents &/or blood stains on the bumper


• if your child magically decides to finish all of his or her formerlly "yucky dinner" instantly once dessert is looming as an incentive, check to make sure you've first put the dog outside.


• when your cat or child goes missing, check the dryer. I can't emphasize this enough - see my photo for proof if you don't believe me


• a ceiling fan in a boys room promotes hours of creativity & subsequent housework - trust me also make sure they don't have a stuffed animal snake to loop over the blade & hang from after jumping off the top bunk - this is the voice of experience talking so listen.


• These next 3 I truely mean in sincerety:enjoy dandylion boquets, never refer to them as weeds.


• when shown a picture they've drawn NEVER assume you know what it is - ask them to tell you about it, make note of their choice of colors, have them bring it to you to avoid holding it upside down or sideways.


• let them dress themselves & choose their own clothes from a selection you've pre-approved. If they are mismatched or backwards & just starting on their own to do this, make note in public when you get odd stares - of how proud you are that they dressed themselves today.


• While this is true I don't actually advocate duct tape, just a joke: you can no longer threaten to take a child to the car, there are now security cameras in parking lots - just refer them to the duct tape mentioned above