For some reason the bath-foam boob incident has reminded me of another incident about 13 years ago. I suppose because it has something to do with me as a parent realizing my children are forming opinions on sexuality & male-female roles.
This incident happened with my oldest son & his sister who is 15 month & 2 days younger than him. I had foolishly taken comfort in the fact that all must be well with the universe since my lovely children were playing quietly in their room together. Ah, a moment to myself to reflect on perfect parenting & the resulting tranquility. Well, hm, let me bask in the moment by just ever so quietly peeking in on the little cherubs. I opened their shared bedroom door, they were only barely 2 & 3 at the time, so innocent, so perfect, so incapable of ever causing me fret or a heart attack - at least I had thought so until the door opened. I look in & immediately realize my eyeballs may become lodged between the door & the doorjamb since they've now popped completely out of their sockets. This might traumatize my children & I cannot afford therapy for them since I am obviously going to need it for myself. Quick thinking & reference to child rearing books & every article in every woman's magazine I'd ever read remotely close to the subject I've now encountered in my own home flew through my mind. Thankfully, I had also briefly dabbled in theater as a hobby in school. I put on my best stage-face immediately.
By now my children have noticed me observing them so I casually announce myself & slip just inside the doorway. More alarming than the fact that they are buck naked save my son's undies & my daughter's blanket wrapped around her like a shawl, is the fact that my son immediately looks guilty as all get out & jumps backward to sit on his bunk, distancing himself from his sister. My daughter, just stood there completely naive & unaware of any problem or reason for embarrassment whatsoever, something that caused my son to annoyingly shout her name. She still stood there naked & smiling at me with her blankey-shawl. I take a deep breath & calmly ask what they were doing? "Nothing" says my son. My oldest son is now 17 & he is still a lousy liar & in all probability always will be. We remind him that if he is going to do anything remotely close to illegal or immoral & gets caught to just save himself the embarrassment & 'fess up right away. His following this advice on the few occasions he's made bad choices has won him praise for honesty, because they don't know he is actually just hiding the fact that he can't lie worth beans.
"We're playing married" my daughter volunteers. My left hand was still on the door knob but now my clutch is so tight upon it I am literally afraid it might snap off in my hand, I shift my body weight to hide the white-knuckle clench on the poor knob. My right hand is bracing my body against the door frame because to be honest I felt faint. Remember, this was a long time ago, I was a new mother, emphasis on New! Again I muster any theater skills in my repertoire & say plainly & cheerfully, "Oh? Mommy doesn't know how to play that game." I was told that I did but insisted that I did not. By now my knees were buckling so I let myself into the room & sat cross-legged on the floor, was playful with my children & asked if they could (OH GOD!) show me how to play. With a little teasing my son agreed finally. They returned to stand in the center of the room in the positions I had originally encountered them in. They played 1 round of ring around the rosie, sung slowly & sweetly, although fairly naked. My son then plopped down to play with a toy car & looked at me & announced, "Now she has to go cook". Funny, it was just like their daddy & I played merry but rosier. My overwhelming relief washed the color & feeling back into the various affected parts of my body. I laughed & told them something reassuring that I cannot quite remember & left the room.
My daughter's penchant for being naked or in various forms of undress has continued, which could explain why now a teenager with a driver's license I am on so much medication & yet still need more. At 2 years old she loved to chug the contents of her tippy cup & stand on top of her plastic picnic table & take off her clothes & wiggle. To my knowledge, & bare in mind ignorance is bliss & I'm relatively happy, she currently only moons people a little too often. She has flashed a few times & has no qualms about roaming the house in her underwear despite all our objections. Who knows, maybe she'll be a famous stripper some day? Except for the fact that she is a little clumsy, but who knows. Oh, after those remarks I need my medicine! No, she truly is a very capable, beautiful young girl & luckily she is very strong. I warned her recently about being careful going to remote destinations with others, to be sure she could trust the people she was with, the whole drinking - driving - sex - being slipped a drug - be safe lecture that I routinely seem to give to the point of, "Oh God Mom, not the sex talk again" before a word ever comes out. Anyway, this time she laughed & confessed that recently while at the lake with some friends she jokingly & playfully punched a guy once & he blacked out for a couple seconds. That's my girl!!!!! I'm so relieved. My husband calls her our German Olympian. She was pretty upset about not making state competition for shot-put this year & getting 4th at districts but she is only a sophomore & I'm dang proud of her. After all, it's a public display & her clothing is ON. Who loves you Doll?
Tonight my husband & I enjoyed a movie out while my oldest son babysat his little brothers for us. We watched a fun, light-hearted comedy. I love Thai food & asked for take-out pad-Thai noodles with chicken & spring rolls afterward. My husband lovingly obliged my request & off we went. There must have been a prom at one of the schools because there were a few very nicely dressed young people there. We sat waiting for our to-go order. Normally, most of the family owned & operated business is ran by family. Now, I do not know the family lineage or anything but tonight the waiter was Caucasian. A group of teen Hispanic girls giggling, asked how to pronounce one of the dishes they were trying to order. The waiter, God Bless him!, replied in all honesty, "I don't know, I'm white! Just give me the number." Now usually when faced with humor I smile to varying degrees. However, this just got me, I could not help it & burst out laughing uncontrollably and continued to chuckle for the remainder of time it took for our order to be handed to us. Thank goodness it was to go & I could leave & continue laughing without trying to hide it. It reminded me of a segment for Mind of Mencia, with Carlos Mencia!! All that was missing was his trade-mark "deet-te-dee"! By the way, the food was just as incredible as always.
Tomorrow I am looking forward to breakfast out with my entire family. Don't worry, since this is usually an incredibly stressful event for me I have decided to take xanax with me in my purse! I also picked a truck-stop restaurant to feed our large brood. It is pratical in other ways as well - it cannot be that easy to offend truckers! I'm sure we will fit right in & not cause any raised eyebrows or sharp looks from other patrons, & if I am wrong, my little "calgon-take-me-away-pill" is available!!! Wish us luck anyway. Better yet, wish the restaurant a good carpet sweeper. It is on just such occasions that I am reminded that raising a family & being married is NOT a game of ring around the rosies, but more of a white knuckled roller-coaster ride followed by standing in a dusty line for what seems hours in 100* heat for too-sticky cotton-candy & another batch of way-too-expensive tickets to do it all again. Be Blessed Dear Readers!
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