Scary - Midlife Crisis?

I love my children more than life itself but lately I am discovering a few things. Trying to let teenagers feel my love and still set boundaries and be sane mix like oil and water, hurting more than childbirth itself. I am also being reminded daily how differently men are wired than us women. I say one thing seeing it as being supportive and it is viewed entirely differently, seen as a chore for him. But enough -believe me it has all been more than enough although I know it is far from over.

Eating chocolate chip cooke dough at 3AM is cathartic but what to do when one runs out of cookie dough? I'm beginning to look like a bulging tube of pre-made cookie dough myself. Okay, I'll admit it, I threw in "beginning to" to make myself feel better, it's actually been that way a while now! So I have moved on from cooke dough to dark chocolate candy, soda and more. I have to wonder why I bothered to get out the fake sugar (which is supposedly calorie free) to put in my coffee when I had a brownie for breakfast?!! I must move forward and not hide behind the excuse of my on-line-ordered-swimsuit being on back order. I must go ahead and stuff myself into the old out of style, slightly tight one and make myself go to water aerobics and work out this stress. Xanax just isn't enough and darn it anyways, I can't be comatose 24/7. Bummer.

So instead, I've redone my nails, and have plans for tattoos. I chopped off all my hair in a new "Posh Spice" haircut, unfortunately the rest of my body remains Scary not Posh. Oh well, oh and I'd even take Scary Spice's body at this point, at least it's skinny and she just had a baby. UGH. All this and my three adorable boys, as crazy as they also make me, are only ten plus years away from sending me reeling in this teen vs. parent chaos all over again. My husband is so relaxed about it, so dimwitted about my female brain and heart, bless his heart by the way, he just rolls with it all and occasionally adds his own stuff for me to deal with. Thanks Hun, I needed an extra helping of cr*p on my plate right now, mm mm, tasty! Just for that I might get my nose re-pierced, just to tick him off. I need to go skydiving again, that's what I need.

My little boys take time out at the park from the playground to hunt for flower/weeds to bring to me. Their gesture warms my heart and reminds me why I wanted a lot of children in the first place. Suddenly troubles melt with the sweat beading up on my brow from the heat at the park. The mosquito bites seem less itchy as I see my boys' sweaty little bodies, faces beaming with pride and love, smiling at me. It is all worth it once again. Read this back to me when they are teens to once again remind me of the good times, okay? Hopefully by then I'll have grandchildren to spoil and play with.

If not, you may find me in a rubber room somewhere, doctors and I working frantically on finding just the right dosages of medication as I strum my bottom lip and continue to babble as incoherently as I do here. Mumbling to myself about children, "it seemed like such an innocent and good idea at the time". I'll be the one with the funky, short hair cut and the tattooed neck and pierced nose, with my nails hopefully done if not chewed off entirely.

For now I will try to remind myself that these bumps in the road which seem insurmountable are but tiny pebbles from God's eagle eye view and better for us to overcome than ending up in the ditch. Be well my Dear Readers and be blessed.