Every time I watch one of my son's high-school football games I pray for everyone not to be injured. Anytime there is a guy "down" on the field, I pray specifically for him. Sometimes though, injuries still occur.
My son wasn't the only one to get a bit injured but his was the most severe of the game. He had played with his still healing sprained ankle & torn ligament. The phenomenal physical trainer had taped it up good for him, he had to so my son could get his foot in his shoe. There was no talking my son out of playing the game he loves, after all, he's a senior in high-school & this is his "last chance" to play. Well, it wasn't the taped, recovering ankle that was injured this time, it was the OTHER leg. At first it was thought that ankle was dislocated but there was some crunching noise too. He did well, now overly familiar with crutches, bobbing to & fro with his team on the sidelines to show support.
It wasn't until the following day that he found out his leg was broken & a cast was but on it. Being the weekend, it was a temporary cast. He will see an orthopedic doctor on Monday if possible to find out if surgery is needed to repair it. It isn't often you see someone on crutches with one leg in a cast & the other in a splint, but this was the site of my son perambulating out of the hospital. Did I mention this is November? We're talking rain, ice & snow this time of year, Lordy, this is not the right time to be on crutches! He is so disheartened, feeling his whole future is destroyed because of active plans to be in the military. I pray his fears are unfounded because if not, it would come close to destroying him.
I had been so worried, I had chewed myself out for crying over it. I did not let him see my tears until he told me he wanted to drive over to his girlfriend's house. I cried because of worrying he'd over-do it on his crutches & attempting to drive how he is. The overcast skies of the day had truly mimicked my mood. I take my medicine which I'd forgotten to take & finally sleep lets me escape all of this.
Tomorrow we will see what happens. Z & I are going to church though, something that hasn't happened in ages, it will be a most welcome event. Much easier for 2 to plan than 7 also.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Leaves of Fall (orig written 11/8 & posted in 2 chronic pain forums)
I see the semi-naked trees about our community, their stature seems interesting yet ugly & stark to me. The leaves, having nurtured the trees now turn brilliant colors in their final days & tummult to the ground below. Sometimes they are carried off a bit by a gust of wind. I see them withered, dry, old & colors fading, veins dominant. The striking similarities between myself & the leaves of Fall are all too much to ignore. I can only hope that I will have been as purposeful in my life as the leaves were during theirs; hope that the sometimes stark tree I help sustain seems more interestingly staturesque & less ugly; that I too may become brilliantly colorful in my final days & be carried away from my world of pain by a gust of wind.
The Painful Un-Goodbye (shared in other chronic pain support groups as well)
"Please God, please, just make the pain go away for just a little while, please?" I implore in a whisper between muffled sobs. I'd done my best to mask my pain from my children all day but by 4:30pm it was all too much. I put my hand over my face to hide & wiped the tears away as coverly as possible before they could streak down my face. The heating pad had lost its magic; no position was comfortable; I spent the day vascillating between chores & idle time - nothing made an improvement in the pain. On top of it all, an IBS flare! My heart has been on overdrive, pounding fastly and I've tried moderating my breathing patterns to get through the pain, but the symptom continues on anyway. My 18 yr old son showed compassion & concern, it was a welcome surprise, but his 17 yr old sister gave me the usual 'oh brother' attitude.There is nothing anyone can do.
I'd asked my doctor if I could discontinue my narcotic pain med since I felt it did nothing for me but cost $ & give me another pill to swallow. I'd tapered off, but now, this flare & nothing to help it. My surprise was my doctor's unwillingness to prescribe anything else in place of the pain med which had failed me. I was told by phone by her nurse, "She says it's to be expected."
In desperation I take my bedtime medicine and and a panic attack med at 5:30pm, hoping something will take me away from the insurmountable pain, even if it's only a brief bit of sleep. My appointment with the local pain clinic isn't until the end of this month and this was only the 5th of the month. I had briefly contemplated whether inflicting other pain upon myself would at least transfer the sensation to a localized area & give the rest of my body a short respite. Too bad there is no $ for more tatoos or to go skydiving & my fibro-fog mind could "forget" to pull the cord. Anything, even death, must be better than this.
I think of treasured memories from my children's past, of my own as well: falling in love, having my children, beautiful, breathtaking places I've been. Then suddenly the good memories accidentally shift back to my daughter's disbelieving & uncaring attitude & my husband's latent resentments. Then I hear the laughter of my younger ones in the other room. I had retreated to my bedroom where I could sob & beg God for just an ounce of relief, just a few moments to catch my breath so I can continue on. Do I dare try to reintegrate myself into my family now that I've stopped crying? Am I even wanted?It all meshes together in a mis-matched ugly tapestry, with pretty colors showing through here & there if you take the time to look long enough.
My nose is stuffy from crying, my lips dry & no longer quivering. The statistics on suicide of chronic pain sufferers seem they must be grossly under-reported. At least the IBS has stopped. Now if this damnable right eye twitch would stop, a whole day of that is more than enough. 22 or so more days before the appointment I've placed all my hopes in. I wonder which will come 1st, that or my death? I try to bravely continue on although I'm not sure if it is better or worse for my family's benefit.
I'd asked my doctor if I could discontinue my narcotic pain med since I felt it did nothing for me but cost $ & give me another pill to swallow. I'd tapered off, but now, this flare & nothing to help it. My surprise was my doctor's unwillingness to prescribe anything else in place of the pain med which had failed me. I was told by phone by her nurse, "She says it's to be expected."
In desperation I take my bedtime medicine and and a panic attack med at 5:30pm, hoping something will take me away from the insurmountable pain, even if it's only a brief bit of sleep. My appointment with the local pain clinic isn't until the end of this month and this was only the 5th of the month. I had briefly contemplated whether inflicting other pain upon myself would at least transfer the sensation to a localized area & give the rest of my body a short respite. Too bad there is no $ for more tatoos or to go skydiving & my fibro-fog mind could "forget" to pull the cord. Anything, even death, must be better than this.
I think of treasured memories from my children's past, of my own as well: falling in love, having my children, beautiful, breathtaking places I've been. Then suddenly the good memories accidentally shift back to my daughter's disbelieving & uncaring attitude & my husband's latent resentments. Then I hear the laughter of my younger ones in the other room. I had retreated to my bedroom where I could sob & beg God for just an ounce of relief, just a few moments to catch my breath so I can continue on. Do I dare try to reintegrate myself into my family now that I've stopped crying? Am I even wanted?It all meshes together in a mis-matched ugly tapestry, with pretty colors showing through here & there if you take the time to look long enough.
My nose is stuffy from crying, my lips dry & no longer quivering. The statistics on suicide of chronic pain sufferers seem they must be grossly under-reported. At least the IBS has stopped. Now if this damnable right eye twitch would stop, a whole day of that is more than enough. 22 or so more days before the appointment I've placed all my hopes in. I wonder which will come 1st, that or my death? I try to bravely continue on although I'm not sure if it is better or worse for my family's benefit.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Obsessions, Compulsiveness & Disorders!!!!
10/30/07
I seem to have a few obsessions. I am obsessed with keeping playing cards very neat & straight when playing a card game! I have been slacking off as of late, but before my un-health got the best of me, I was also obsessed with keeping my kitchen cupboards organized according to category. The spices were always alphabetized & then the boxed foods were categorized & alphabetized within their category as well! Soups & other canned foods suffered the same fate! I still have to talk myself out of a full blown panic about them not currently being in such a structured state!!! When the whole idea of a separate area for baking came into popularity I embraced it whole heartedly then spent sleepless nights not knowing what to do with the cross-over items which served dual purposes!!! I have to be on time or 5 minutes early wherever I go (sometimes I’m so afraid of being late that I am 20 minutes early then embarrassed by that fact). I also seem to be obsessed with worry, to the point of compulsion. If I am not worrying over something I am wracking what is left of my so called brain trying to figure out what I am forgetting to worry about!! No offence to anyone of any religion but I’ve been told by several people at various times in my life I would make a great Catholic-Jew because I am so obsessed with guilt, although not by choice!! I really have a preference for exclamation points but I’m not sure whether this is an obsession or not, you can decide that one!!!
Now to move on to my husband: he is a compulsive spender. He has great taste & a penchant for electronics, movies & music. His compulsive spending sends me into obsessive worrying bouts.
Despite the fact that I prefer things categorized & alphabetized I cannot keep a house clean to save my life. I also cannot throw things away very well. Any paper with one of my children’s scribbles is to be saved for life no matter what. I cannot bear to throw anything away that might, possibly be able to be used by another. Given that fact, I frequently gift hand-me-downs to Good-Will, the local Gospel Mission, or women’s shelter or random others. My husband has figured out to buy giant plastic storage bins for me to save kids’ schoolwork & other mementos. He has to sort the mail for me because I’m afraid to open mail that might have bad news (that whole worry thing) & afraid I might throw away something that was important, not realizing it’s value, then I’d feel horrible (the guilt thing). Yet, when he sorts the mail I am just as fearful he will make the same mistakes. Can’t win, that’s where the whole disorder-thing comes into play! Other than reassurances, a prescription for anti-anxiety medication & a “compulsion” to work out feelings through writing, not much can change all of this. Lucky you, Dear Readers, for here-in is how this blog was created!! Joyful day to you poor souls if you are trying to figure me out & a heaping helping of good luck as well!!! Please note the exclamation points!!! Also, if you do figure me out, drop me a note telling me!!
I do have a question though, how do we arrive at these states of being? Surely I wasn’t born with a compulsion to alphabetize things. For some reason a vague memory of a class on library skills in elementary school comes to mind & how crazy I found their catalog system to be. Was I wired from birth so to speak, with feelings of worry? Then I worry that the fact that I have so much worry in my life may make me a bad Christian since we, as Christians are to “let go & let God”. There are times that I have been able to do that, but often I sneak the worrisome problem back after I give it to Him & still continue to worry about it. I do not mean it as a disrespectful action in my faith, I worry if it is seen as such & that I feel it is such.
So, if we were not wired this way, what flipped the “on” switch making us succumb to these various types of personality disorders? Would a traumatic experience cause this, if so, what types of trauma can generate which disorders? Can you tell I miss psychology class? I took a psychology class at my local community college when I was 17 & I absolutely loved it. Our professor would tell of his obsession with a certain actress. His tales were as welcome as stand-up comedy & by listening & laughing we came to learn some point which was totally unexpected. Now, that is true teaching, finding innovative ways of making learning fun for the students & getting through to them! But…apparently I didn’t learn enough because I still have an unanswered question. I do know that according to Freud it would be mom’s fault! I also learned he apparently did a lot of drugs, so, his opinion is of less value to me than it might otherwise be. So now I have my unanswered question to worry over-I needed something new to obsess over – goodie!!!!
I seem to have a few obsessions. I am obsessed with keeping playing cards very neat & straight when playing a card game! I have been slacking off as of late, but before my un-health got the best of me, I was also obsessed with keeping my kitchen cupboards organized according to category. The spices were always alphabetized & then the boxed foods were categorized & alphabetized within their category as well! Soups & other canned foods suffered the same fate! I still have to talk myself out of a full blown panic about them not currently being in such a structured state!!! When the whole idea of a separate area for baking came into popularity I embraced it whole heartedly then spent sleepless nights not knowing what to do with the cross-over items which served dual purposes!!! I have to be on time or 5 minutes early wherever I go (sometimes I’m so afraid of being late that I am 20 minutes early then embarrassed by that fact). I also seem to be obsessed with worry, to the point of compulsion. If I am not worrying over something I am wracking what is left of my so called brain trying to figure out what I am forgetting to worry about!! No offence to anyone of any religion but I’ve been told by several people at various times in my life I would make a great Catholic-Jew because I am so obsessed with guilt, although not by choice!! I really have a preference for exclamation points but I’m not sure whether this is an obsession or not, you can decide that one!!!
Now to move on to my husband: he is a compulsive spender. He has great taste & a penchant for electronics, movies & music. His compulsive spending sends me into obsessive worrying bouts.
Despite the fact that I prefer things categorized & alphabetized I cannot keep a house clean to save my life. I also cannot throw things away very well. Any paper with one of my children’s scribbles is to be saved for life no matter what. I cannot bear to throw anything away that might, possibly be able to be used by another. Given that fact, I frequently gift hand-me-downs to Good-Will, the local Gospel Mission, or women’s shelter or random others. My husband has figured out to buy giant plastic storage bins for me to save kids’ schoolwork & other mementos. He has to sort the mail for me because I’m afraid to open mail that might have bad news (that whole worry thing) & afraid I might throw away something that was important, not realizing it’s value, then I’d feel horrible (the guilt thing). Yet, when he sorts the mail I am just as fearful he will make the same mistakes. Can’t win, that’s where the whole disorder-thing comes into play! Other than reassurances, a prescription for anti-anxiety medication & a “compulsion” to work out feelings through writing, not much can change all of this. Lucky you, Dear Readers, for here-in is how this blog was created!! Joyful day to you poor souls if you are trying to figure me out & a heaping helping of good luck as well!!! Please note the exclamation points!!! Also, if you do figure me out, drop me a note telling me!!
I do have a question though, how do we arrive at these states of being? Surely I wasn’t born with a compulsion to alphabetize things. For some reason a vague memory of a class on library skills in elementary school comes to mind & how crazy I found their catalog system to be. Was I wired from birth so to speak, with feelings of worry? Then I worry that the fact that I have so much worry in my life may make me a bad Christian since we, as Christians are to “let go & let God”. There are times that I have been able to do that, but often I sneak the worrisome problem back after I give it to Him & still continue to worry about it. I do not mean it as a disrespectful action in my faith, I worry if it is seen as such & that I feel it is such.
So, if we were not wired this way, what flipped the “on” switch making us succumb to these various types of personality disorders? Would a traumatic experience cause this, if so, what types of trauma can generate which disorders? Can you tell I miss psychology class? I took a psychology class at my local community college when I was 17 & I absolutely loved it. Our professor would tell of his obsession with a certain actress. His tales were as welcome as stand-up comedy & by listening & laughing we came to learn some point which was totally unexpected. Now, that is true teaching, finding innovative ways of making learning fun for the students & getting through to them! But…apparently I didn’t learn enough because I still have an unanswered question. I do know that according to Freud it would be mom’s fault! I also learned he apparently did a lot of drugs, so, his opinion is of less value to me than it might otherwise be. So now I have my unanswered question to worry over-I needed something new to obsess over – goodie!!!!
Halloween & The Aftermath
11/1/07
Last night my husband & I took 2 power-rangers & 1 ninja trick-or-treating. The tiniest of which had muscles built into the costume & the mask too large so that only his nostrils showed through the eye-holes. At first they timidly, slowly ventured forth, making sure to wait for each-other & obtain reassuring glances from us parents as they drew ever nearer the porch-lit doorways. Later they reveled in the fun of receiving candy, racing about. One house was apparently well known in the neighborhood for providing hot coffee to the grownups & even shouted out – “free coffee parents!” which was quite tempting if it hadn’t been for their non-lit, precarious steps up to their station. One particularly well decorated home intimidated our youngest a bit. After knowing of the previous season’s mishap when our teens took the boys trick-or-treating & a scared Crash screamed & ran into the house of total strangers hiding under a bed (or was it in a closet?) I suggested he hold his daddy’s hand. And that he did!
Apparently, despite our not having decorations or porch-lights on & an only 2/3 finished walkway to our porch, trick-or-treaters attempted knocks at our door anyway. Leave it to the African-Gray (Loca) to yell “Come in” at them. This left my niece & her fiancé having to go to the door or shout, “No, don’t come in!” These poor trick-or-treaters were so determined they even plagued the house next door which has been vacant for about a year or so! Now that’s determination!!
Today we sent Gumby (now known as Stretch) to school with invitations for girls & boys to his birthday party tomorrow at the local bowling alley. My husband was able to make great invitations with some characters that my son is particularly fond of. So, this time of year not only holds the sweets of Halloween but cake & ice-cream as well. The dentist needs to put: Provided for by (our name) on his new car or motorcycle which I’m sure we are purchasing for him, once we get him paid off that is.
My husband has today off because of having to work a day this weekend when nobody is on their computers at the office. This is always an awkward situation for us. If I talk much to him he feels I’m interrupting his day. I’m a gabber if y’all haven’t noticed & well, it’s just awkward. I feel if I’m not working my petutie off he may be passing some sort of judgment on me, yet, I’m not willing to over-work myself & risk another flare up of my chronic illnesses either. So, yeah, just gotta hang in there. God only knows what we’ll do when he’s retired. The man has adult ADD & just doesn’t know how to relax. Last night he was telling me how he felt he could use a computer program to draw out schematics for each section of an inflatable & then sew them together to create his own inflatable decorations. While this is an incredible idea & a very time-consuming & expensive effort it would be pretty cool to be able to do. However, my husband bless his heart, could receive a trophy for starting more projects he doesn’t finish before starting new projects. He is brilliant except for adequately managing time & money. He fully knows how to relax & also how to fully apply himself 110% to a project, as long as it stays interesting for him. Since he, like my oldest son, is very smart, he gets easily bored as well as easily annoyed with people who don’t understand things as well.
My oldest son, Z, was so amazed by the osteopathic treatment he received for his ankle injury ( a severe sprain & torn ligament) that he said it would make him want to be a doctor if it weren’t for the fact that he gets too annoyed having to deal with people. This coming from a guy who’s going into the nuclear power program for the Navy, ha ha, let’s all pray he doesn’t have access to any “red buttons”!!! “What? You made a mistake on my paycheck?”-poof!! Just kidding, he’s pretty good at keeping his cool for the most part.
Wow, how were those last 3 paragraphs for getting off subject? You’d think it wasn’t me writing this stuff it I didn’t stray from topic & wander aimlessly about my thoughts though right? Dear Readers, I wish you a cavity-free post-Halloween season, fun memories & ways to work around your significant other in harmony. I also wish any with lofty or elaborate ideas to fully pursue them, without such individuals I might need to find a way to cave-paint all this down for prosperity. Be Blessed, whomever your higher power be.
Last night my husband & I took 2 power-rangers & 1 ninja trick-or-treating. The tiniest of which had muscles built into the costume & the mask too large so that only his nostrils showed through the eye-holes. At first they timidly, slowly ventured forth, making sure to wait for each-other & obtain reassuring glances from us parents as they drew ever nearer the porch-lit doorways. Later they reveled in the fun of receiving candy, racing about. One house was apparently well known in the neighborhood for providing hot coffee to the grownups & even shouted out – “free coffee parents!” which was quite tempting if it hadn’t been for their non-lit, precarious steps up to their station. One particularly well decorated home intimidated our youngest a bit. After knowing of the previous season’s mishap when our teens took the boys trick-or-treating & a scared Crash screamed & ran into the house of total strangers hiding under a bed (or was it in a closet?) I suggested he hold his daddy’s hand. And that he did!
Apparently, despite our not having decorations or porch-lights on & an only 2/3 finished walkway to our porch, trick-or-treaters attempted knocks at our door anyway. Leave it to the African-Gray (Loca) to yell “Come in” at them. This left my niece & her fiancé having to go to the door or shout, “No, don’t come in!” These poor trick-or-treaters were so determined they even plagued the house next door which has been vacant for about a year or so! Now that’s determination!!
Today we sent Gumby (now known as Stretch) to school with invitations for girls & boys to his birthday party tomorrow at the local bowling alley. My husband was able to make great invitations with some characters that my son is particularly fond of. So, this time of year not only holds the sweets of Halloween but cake & ice-cream as well. The dentist needs to put: Provided for by (our name) on his new car or motorcycle which I’m sure we are purchasing for him, once we get him paid off that is.
My husband has today off because of having to work a day this weekend when nobody is on their computers at the office. This is always an awkward situation for us. If I talk much to him he feels I’m interrupting his day. I’m a gabber if y’all haven’t noticed & well, it’s just awkward. I feel if I’m not working my petutie off he may be passing some sort of judgment on me, yet, I’m not willing to over-work myself & risk another flare up of my chronic illnesses either. So, yeah, just gotta hang in there. God only knows what we’ll do when he’s retired. The man has adult ADD & just doesn’t know how to relax. Last night he was telling me how he felt he could use a computer program to draw out schematics for each section of an inflatable & then sew them together to create his own inflatable decorations. While this is an incredible idea & a very time-consuming & expensive effort it would be pretty cool to be able to do. However, my husband bless his heart, could receive a trophy for starting more projects he doesn’t finish before starting new projects. He is brilliant except for adequately managing time & money. He fully knows how to relax & also how to fully apply himself 110% to a project, as long as it stays interesting for him. Since he, like my oldest son, is very smart, he gets easily bored as well as easily annoyed with people who don’t understand things as well.
My oldest son, Z, was so amazed by the osteopathic treatment he received for his ankle injury ( a severe sprain & torn ligament) that he said it would make him want to be a doctor if it weren’t for the fact that he gets too annoyed having to deal with people. This coming from a guy who’s going into the nuclear power program for the Navy, ha ha, let’s all pray he doesn’t have access to any “red buttons”!!! “What? You made a mistake on my paycheck?”-poof!! Just kidding, he’s pretty good at keeping his cool for the most part.
Wow, how were those last 3 paragraphs for getting off subject? You’d think it wasn’t me writing this stuff it I didn’t stray from topic & wander aimlessly about my thoughts though right? Dear Readers, I wish you a cavity-free post-Halloween season, fun memories & ways to work around your significant other in harmony. I also wish any with lofty or elaborate ideas to fully pursue them, without such individuals I might need to find a way to cave-paint all this down for prosperity. Be Blessed, whomever your higher power be.
Fri. Night Lights Survival & Being A Swamp Ogre
10/28/’07
On Friday my oldest son had injured his ankle on the football field. He was so upset about not being able to play the rest of the game, this bothered him more than the pain of his injury. Saturday morning he went to the ER for an x-ray which luckily revealed no fracture. He insisted on going on his own & being 18 now, I’m trying to let him make some of his own decisions. The ortho doc who had been on-site at the game happened to be at the ER while Z was there & called me right away & told me there is no fracture, he also spoke with Z & the athletic trainer. I love the rapid follow-through & kindness of this new doctor our small town is abuzz with thankfulness for receiving, he has a fantastic rep & is from Stanford University. We live in a house with many stairs & it is not conducive to crutches or any sort of mobility problems but he managed it well. I had put an ice-chest in his room for him to ice his foot & we all tried to help carry things for him up & down the stairs. He had gone with his sister to a costumed Halloween party Saturday night. For the costumes our daughter went as “white trash” complete with massive blue eye-shadow, torn white t-shirt & cut-offs & a Coors beer trucker hat. Z modeled an outfit, going as his sister, in a miniskirt & spaghetti strap girly shirt. He didn’t wear it out of the house but he did at least show us & pose for a picture with his sister, he hates having his picture taken so that was a big deal. We got such a laugh too!! It was great!!
Unfortunately fell backwards down a short flight of stairs at the party, trying to get out of the way of others going the opposite direction. After that a friend brought him back home. He was pretty disappointed about not being able to do much but is doing pretty well otherwise. His poor foot was more swollen & bluish colored today. He’s managed the fine art of driving left footed which I don’t want to promote but, is pretty impressive none the less.
Saturday night was also the local university’s 14th annual haunted house. All that was required to attend was a willingness to go & a canned food donation for the local food bank. My anxiety got the best of me, as usual & the thought of a crowd in a confined area made me not want to attend, yet I wanted my boys to be able to go. Gumby decided he didn’t want to go but Boog & Crash were quite excited about it. Thankfully my niece came to the rescue once again, taking the boys for me & stopping at the local mini-mart to fulfill a craving I’d had for Diet Coke! God Bless Her!!!! They had fun & came home with some candy in a trick or treat bag.
I awoke this morning with the usual alarm-clock-child coming through the door asking for something, this morning it was cereal, prior to the crack of dawn. It is no use trying to get him to go back to sleep, this is something I have learned after many attempts. He excitedly jabbers to me about things then turns his bedroom light on to retrieve some item to show me. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if his other 2 brothers weren’t in there trying to still sleep. Now comes out the next boy, complaining about being awoken, then with his conversations & needs. Not long after the last boy comes out still in a half-sleep daze. I attend to all their needs, interact in their conversations happily & make coffee. I’m told by my boys they are lucky I am not so cranky today. I have to agree, I was horribly cranky yesterday. Noises & stress got the best of me, if it wasn’t the birds, boys or television it was the phone or the dogs, always something. I told the boys if they needed anything else to let me know now; nothing was needed thankfully & I told them I was going back to bed. This is something I never do, but by golly, today I needed to.
The shooting pain in my hip had interrupted my sleep, as had my teeth clenching from some bizarre yet stressful dream. I was actually able to get comfortable & go back to sleep for a bit. When I entered the living room hubby had made blueberry muffins & everyone was happy. He had Loca out playing with her & I got Sunny out to love on him as well. Coffee didn’t work for me with us being out of creamer I couldn’t foo-foo it up enough. So I poured some diet coke & used it to down my handful of medicine. When choosing a glass from the cupboard I automatically chose the one from McDonalds with the Shrek pictures on it. I seemed to identify with the swamp ogre way too well. I am not heroic nor a princess. I do feel unaccepted by most & live in a mess, though it is not a swamp.
Then came the cross discussion with hubby. He wanted to tear into another project in the house today. I, however, wanted him to please finish any of the ½ dozen or more other projects he’d already started & not finished. He does not stick to the subject matter when we discuss things, he turns vindictive & mean & plays me with guilt turning the crux of the matter into something else entirely unrecognizable. We both give up on the conversation & focus our attention on television as if it will teleport us away into a more perfect world. At least it offers a bit of escapism from current tensions. I may have silently won because he is now working on some of the unfinished things surrounding us instead of ripping out a closet to create more wall space. A silent victory deserves a silent celebration so, shhh, “hooray & yippy-skippy do-dah-day!!”
This ogre is going to attempt to be less ogre-ish, maybe even get dressed & go to the store. I will try not to stress out, try to fit in & survive outside of my home-“swampland”. Today, Dear Readers, I wish you success in stretching your boundaries of your comfort zones. I wish you a good laugh & plenty of foo-foo for your coffee; good dreams & restful sleep & a snooze button for any alarm-clock children of your own. Be Blessed!
On Friday my oldest son had injured his ankle on the football field. He was so upset about not being able to play the rest of the game, this bothered him more than the pain of his injury. Saturday morning he went to the ER for an x-ray which luckily revealed no fracture. He insisted on going on his own & being 18 now, I’m trying to let him make some of his own decisions. The ortho doc who had been on-site at the game happened to be at the ER while Z was there & called me right away & told me there is no fracture, he also spoke with Z & the athletic trainer. I love the rapid follow-through & kindness of this new doctor our small town is abuzz with thankfulness for receiving, he has a fantastic rep & is from Stanford University. We live in a house with many stairs & it is not conducive to crutches or any sort of mobility problems but he managed it well. I had put an ice-chest in his room for him to ice his foot & we all tried to help carry things for him up & down the stairs. He had gone with his sister to a costumed Halloween party Saturday night. For the costumes our daughter went as “white trash” complete with massive blue eye-shadow, torn white t-shirt & cut-offs & a Coors beer trucker hat. Z modeled an outfit, going as his sister, in a miniskirt & spaghetti strap girly shirt. He didn’t wear it out of the house but he did at least show us & pose for a picture with his sister, he hates having his picture taken so that was a big deal. We got such a laugh too!! It was great!!
Unfortunately fell backwards down a short flight of stairs at the party, trying to get out of the way of others going the opposite direction. After that a friend brought him back home. He was pretty disappointed about not being able to do much but is doing pretty well otherwise. His poor foot was more swollen & bluish colored today. He’s managed the fine art of driving left footed which I don’t want to promote but, is pretty impressive none the less.
Saturday night was also the local university’s 14th annual haunted house. All that was required to attend was a willingness to go & a canned food donation for the local food bank. My anxiety got the best of me, as usual & the thought of a crowd in a confined area made me not want to attend, yet I wanted my boys to be able to go. Gumby decided he didn’t want to go but Boog & Crash were quite excited about it. Thankfully my niece came to the rescue once again, taking the boys for me & stopping at the local mini-mart to fulfill a craving I’d had for Diet Coke! God Bless Her!!!! They had fun & came home with some candy in a trick or treat bag.
I awoke this morning with the usual alarm-clock-child coming through the door asking for something, this morning it was cereal, prior to the crack of dawn. It is no use trying to get him to go back to sleep, this is something I have learned after many attempts. He excitedly jabbers to me about things then turns his bedroom light on to retrieve some item to show me. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if his other 2 brothers weren’t in there trying to still sleep. Now comes out the next boy, complaining about being awoken, then with his conversations & needs. Not long after the last boy comes out still in a half-sleep daze. I attend to all their needs, interact in their conversations happily & make coffee. I’m told by my boys they are lucky I am not so cranky today. I have to agree, I was horribly cranky yesterday. Noises & stress got the best of me, if it wasn’t the birds, boys or television it was the phone or the dogs, always something. I told the boys if they needed anything else to let me know now; nothing was needed thankfully & I told them I was going back to bed. This is something I never do, but by golly, today I needed to.
The shooting pain in my hip had interrupted my sleep, as had my teeth clenching from some bizarre yet stressful dream. I was actually able to get comfortable & go back to sleep for a bit. When I entered the living room hubby had made blueberry muffins & everyone was happy. He had Loca out playing with her & I got Sunny out to love on him as well. Coffee didn’t work for me with us being out of creamer I couldn’t foo-foo it up enough. So I poured some diet coke & used it to down my handful of medicine. When choosing a glass from the cupboard I automatically chose the one from McDonalds with the Shrek pictures on it. I seemed to identify with the swamp ogre way too well. I am not heroic nor a princess. I do feel unaccepted by most & live in a mess, though it is not a swamp.
Then came the cross discussion with hubby. He wanted to tear into another project in the house today. I, however, wanted him to please finish any of the ½ dozen or more other projects he’d already started & not finished. He does not stick to the subject matter when we discuss things, he turns vindictive & mean & plays me with guilt turning the crux of the matter into something else entirely unrecognizable. We both give up on the conversation & focus our attention on television as if it will teleport us away into a more perfect world. At least it offers a bit of escapism from current tensions. I may have silently won because he is now working on some of the unfinished things surrounding us instead of ripping out a closet to create more wall space. A silent victory deserves a silent celebration so, shhh, “hooray & yippy-skippy do-dah-day!!”
This ogre is going to attempt to be less ogre-ish, maybe even get dressed & go to the store. I will try not to stress out, try to fit in & survive outside of my home-“swampland”. Today, Dear Readers, I wish you success in stretching your boundaries of your comfort zones. I wish you a good laugh & plenty of foo-foo for your coffee; good dreams & restful sleep & a snooze button for any alarm-clock children of your own. Be Blessed!
Glory Days Gone Awry
10/26/07
Dolly spearheaded an effort this afternoon which came to fruition in making Big Z a balloon bouquet tied to a bag of candy. Tonight was the last home-field game played by the football team & homage is paid to the graduating seniors. I even talked my husband into going! He brought the cam-corder though it didn’t get used much because he was shaking a bit from asthma & the cold. We stood on the sidelines & waited out turn, when our son’s # was called we went up & had a photo taken with him. The cheerleaders also paid tribute to each of the senior football players with little gifts.
My niece had watched the boys for us so they would not be exposed to the cold. The game was going fairly evenly despite the enormous size of the opposing team. Z was credited with at least 1 tackle & a stop, he held his own very well against the others. Then, we saw 2 players helping our son off of the field. The trainer looked at him & I was told the other gentleman with him was the new orthopedic / sports medicine doctor in town. The good news is that it is currently believed that there is no break; however, there is at the very least a severe sprain to his right ankle. He was given the use of crutches which were too short for him but better than nothing. His ankle was wrapped with an ice pack & he stood barefoot on the sidelines watching the outcome of the game. He insisted on waiting until tomorrow morning for the x-ray I insisted he carpool with his sister & let her drive, hopefully that advice will be heeded. The orthopedist told us he has access to the x-rays on-line from his home & can call us Monday with the results. The trainer told us if we get the x-ray done tomorrow morning & it is just a severe sprain that he will start Z on e-stim & strengthening exercises.
The poor guy was so angry about the situation but he did a really good job holding it together. To top off his frustrations his girlfriend wasn’t allowed to go to the game nor the dance. In my mind this is a good intervention although unknown at the time, because this meant the outcome was him coming straight home from the game with his sister. My husband works tomorrow so I will have my niece or daughter watch the little guys for me to take Z to the ER & then to the football field-house / training room. Wish us luck!! Thank you for reading & Be Blessed Dear Readers!
Dolly spearheaded an effort this afternoon which came to fruition in making Big Z a balloon bouquet tied to a bag of candy. Tonight was the last home-field game played by the football team & homage is paid to the graduating seniors. I even talked my husband into going! He brought the cam-corder though it didn’t get used much because he was shaking a bit from asthma & the cold. We stood on the sidelines & waited out turn, when our son’s # was called we went up & had a photo taken with him. The cheerleaders also paid tribute to each of the senior football players with little gifts.
My niece had watched the boys for us so they would not be exposed to the cold. The game was going fairly evenly despite the enormous size of the opposing team. Z was credited with at least 1 tackle & a stop, he held his own very well against the others. Then, we saw 2 players helping our son off of the field. The trainer looked at him & I was told the other gentleman with him was the new orthopedic / sports medicine doctor in town. The good news is that it is currently believed that there is no break; however, there is at the very least a severe sprain to his right ankle. He was given the use of crutches which were too short for him but better than nothing. His ankle was wrapped with an ice pack & he stood barefoot on the sidelines watching the outcome of the game. He insisted on waiting until tomorrow morning for the x-ray I insisted he carpool with his sister & let her drive, hopefully that advice will be heeded. The orthopedist told us he has access to the x-rays on-line from his home & can call us Monday with the results. The trainer told us if we get the x-ray done tomorrow morning & it is just a severe sprain that he will start Z on e-stim & strengthening exercises.
The poor guy was so angry about the situation but he did a really good job holding it together. To top off his frustrations his girlfriend wasn’t allowed to go to the game nor the dance. In my mind this is a good intervention although unknown at the time, because this meant the outcome was him coming straight home from the game with his sister. My husband works tomorrow so I will have my niece or daughter watch the little guys for me to take Z to the ER & then to the football field-house / training room. Wish us luck!! Thank you for reading & Be Blessed Dear Readers!
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