Every time I watch one of my son's high-school football games I pray for everyone not to be injured. Anytime there is a guy "down" on the field, I pray specifically for him. Sometimes though, injuries still occur.
My son wasn't the only one to get a bit injured but his was the most severe of the game. He had played with his still healing sprained ankle & torn ligament. The phenomenal physical trainer had taped it up good for him, he had to so my son could get his foot in his shoe. There was no talking my son out of playing the game he loves, after all, he's a senior in high-school & this is his "last chance" to play. Well, it wasn't the taped, recovering ankle that was injured this time, it was the OTHER leg. At first it was thought that ankle was dislocated but there was some crunching noise too. He did well, now overly familiar with crutches, bobbing to & fro with his team on the sidelines to show support.
It wasn't until the following day that he found out his leg was broken & a cast was but on it. Being the weekend, it was a temporary cast. He will see an orthopedic doctor on Monday if possible to find out if surgery is needed to repair it. It isn't often you see someone on crutches with one leg in a cast & the other in a splint, but this was the site of my son perambulating out of the hospital. Did I mention this is November? We're talking rain, ice & snow this time of year, Lordy, this is not the right time to be on crutches! He is so disheartened, feeling his whole future is destroyed because of active plans to be in the military. I pray his fears are unfounded because if not, it would come close to destroying him.
I had been so worried, I had chewed myself out for crying over it. I did not let him see my tears until he told me he wanted to drive over to his girlfriend's house. I cried because of worrying he'd over-do it on his crutches & attempting to drive how he is. The overcast skies of the day had truly mimicked my mood. I take my medicine which I'd forgotten to take & finally sleep lets me escape all of this.
Tomorrow we will see what happens. Z & I are going to church though, something that hasn't happened in ages, it will be a most welcome event. Much easier for 2 to plan than 7 also.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Leaves of Fall (orig written 11/8 & posted in 2 chronic pain forums)
I see the semi-naked trees about our community, their stature seems interesting yet ugly & stark to me. The leaves, having nurtured the trees now turn brilliant colors in their final days & tummult to the ground below. Sometimes they are carried off a bit by a gust of wind. I see them withered, dry, old & colors fading, veins dominant. The striking similarities between myself & the leaves of Fall are all too much to ignore. I can only hope that I will have been as purposeful in my life as the leaves were during theirs; hope that the sometimes stark tree I help sustain seems more interestingly staturesque & less ugly; that I too may become brilliantly colorful in my final days & be carried away from my world of pain by a gust of wind.
The Painful Un-Goodbye (shared in other chronic pain support groups as well)
"Please God, please, just make the pain go away for just a little while, please?" I implore in a whisper between muffled sobs. I'd done my best to mask my pain from my children all day but by 4:30pm it was all too much. I put my hand over my face to hide & wiped the tears away as coverly as possible before they could streak down my face. The heating pad had lost its magic; no position was comfortable; I spent the day vascillating between chores & idle time - nothing made an improvement in the pain. On top of it all, an IBS flare! My heart has been on overdrive, pounding fastly and I've tried moderating my breathing patterns to get through the pain, but the symptom continues on anyway. My 18 yr old son showed compassion & concern, it was a welcome surprise, but his 17 yr old sister gave me the usual 'oh brother' attitude.There is nothing anyone can do.
I'd asked my doctor if I could discontinue my narcotic pain med since I felt it did nothing for me but cost $ & give me another pill to swallow. I'd tapered off, but now, this flare & nothing to help it. My surprise was my doctor's unwillingness to prescribe anything else in place of the pain med which had failed me. I was told by phone by her nurse, "She says it's to be expected."
In desperation I take my bedtime medicine and and a panic attack med at 5:30pm, hoping something will take me away from the insurmountable pain, even if it's only a brief bit of sleep. My appointment with the local pain clinic isn't until the end of this month and this was only the 5th of the month. I had briefly contemplated whether inflicting other pain upon myself would at least transfer the sensation to a localized area & give the rest of my body a short respite. Too bad there is no $ for more tatoos or to go skydiving & my fibro-fog mind could "forget" to pull the cord. Anything, even death, must be better than this.
I think of treasured memories from my children's past, of my own as well: falling in love, having my children, beautiful, breathtaking places I've been. Then suddenly the good memories accidentally shift back to my daughter's disbelieving & uncaring attitude & my husband's latent resentments. Then I hear the laughter of my younger ones in the other room. I had retreated to my bedroom where I could sob & beg God for just an ounce of relief, just a few moments to catch my breath so I can continue on. Do I dare try to reintegrate myself into my family now that I've stopped crying? Am I even wanted?It all meshes together in a mis-matched ugly tapestry, with pretty colors showing through here & there if you take the time to look long enough.
My nose is stuffy from crying, my lips dry & no longer quivering. The statistics on suicide of chronic pain sufferers seem they must be grossly under-reported. At least the IBS has stopped. Now if this damnable right eye twitch would stop, a whole day of that is more than enough. 22 or so more days before the appointment I've placed all my hopes in. I wonder which will come 1st, that or my death? I try to bravely continue on although I'm not sure if it is better or worse for my family's benefit.
I'd asked my doctor if I could discontinue my narcotic pain med since I felt it did nothing for me but cost $ & give me another pill to swallow. I'd tapered off, but now, this flare & nothing to help it. My surprise was my doctor's unwillingness to prescribe anything else in place of the pain med which had failed me. I was told by phone by her nurse, "She says it's to be expected."
In desperation I take my bedtime medicine and and a panic attack med at 5:30pm, hoping something will take me away from the insurmountable pain, even if it's only a brief bit of sleep. My appointment with the local pain clinic isn't until the end of this month and this was only the 5th of the month. I had briefly contemplated whether inflicting other pain upon myself would at least transfer the sensation to a localized area & give the rest of my body a short respite. Too bad there is no $ for more tatoos or to go skydiving & my fibro-fog mind could "forget" to pull the cord. Anything, even death, must be better than this.
I think of treasured memories from my children's past, of my own as well: falling in love, having my children, beautiful, breathtaking places I've been. Then suddenly the good memories accidentally shift back to my daughter's disbelieving & uncaring attitude & my husband's latent resentments. Then I hear the laughter of my younger ones in the other room. I had retreated to my bedroom where I could sob & beg God for just an ounce of relief, just a few moments to catch my breath so I can continue on. Do I dare try to reintegrate myself into my family now that I've stopped crying? Am I even wanted?It all meshes together in a mis-matched ugly tapestry, with pretty colors showing through here & there if you take the time to look long enough.
My nose is stuffy from crying, my lips dry & no longer quivering. The statistics on suicide of chronic pain sufferers seem they must be grossly under-reported. At least the IBS has stopped. Now if this damnable right eye twitch would stop, a whole day of that is more than enough. 22 or so more days before the appointment I've placed all my hopes in. I wonder which will come 1st, that or my death? I try to bravely continue on although I'm not sure if it is better or worse for my family's benefit.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Obsessions, Compulsiveness & Disorders!!!!
10/30/07
I seem to have a few obsessions. I am obsessed with keeping playing cards very neat & straight when playing a card game! I have been slacking off as of late, but before my un-health got the best of me, I was also obsessed with keeping my kitchen cupboards organized according to category. The spices were always alphabetized & then the boxed foods were categorized & alphabetized within their category as well! Soups & other canned foods suffered the same fate! I still have to talk myself out of a full blown panic about them not currently being in such a structured state!!! When the whole idea of a separate area for baking came into popularity I embraced it whole heartedly then spent sleepless nights not knowing what to do with the cross-over items which served dual purposes!!! I have to be on time or 5 minutes early wherever I go (sometimes I’m so afraid of being late that I am 20 minutes early then embarrassed by that fact). I also seem to be obsessed with worry, to the point of compulsion. If I am not worrying over something I am wracking what is left of my so called brain trying to figure out what I am forgetting to worry about!! No offence to anyone of any religion but I’ve been told by several people at various times in my life I would make a great Catholic-Jew because I am so obsessed with guilt, although not by choice!! I really have a preference for exclamation points but I’m not sure whether this is an obsession or not, you can decide that one!!!
Now to move on to my husband: he is a compulsive spender. He has great taste & a penchant for electronics, movies & music. His compulsive spending sends me into obsessive worrying bouts.
Despite the fact that I prefer things categorized & alphabetized I cannot keep a house clean to save my life. I also cannot throw things away very well. Any paper with one of my children’s scribbles is to be saved for life no matter what. I cannot bear to throw anything away that might, possibly be able to be used by another. Given that fact, I frequently gift hand-me-downs to Good-Will, the local Gospel Mission, or women’s shelter or random others. My husband has figured out to buy giant plastic storage bins for me to save kids’ schoolwork & other mementos. He has to sort the mail for me because I’m afraid to open mail that might have bad news (that whole worry thing) & afraid I might throw away something that was important, not realizing it’s value, then I’d feel horrible (the guilt thing). Yet, when he sorts the mail I am just as fearful he will make the same mistakes. Can’t win, that’s where the whole disorder-thing comes into play! Other than reassurances, a prescription for anti-anxiety medication & a “compulsion” to work out feelings through writing, not much can change all of this. Lucky you, Dear Readers, for here-in is how this blog was created!! Joyful day to you poor souls if you are trying to figure me out & a heaping helping of good luck as well!!! Please note the exclamation points!!! Also, if you do figure me out, drop me a note telling me!!
I do have a question though, how do we arrive at these states of being? Surely I wasn’t born with a compulsion to alphabetize things. For some reason a vague memory of a class on library skills in elementary school comes to mind & how crazy I found their catalog system to be. Was I wired from birth so to speak, with feelings of worry? Then I worry that the fact that I have so much worry in my life may make me a bad Christian since we, as Christians are to “let go & let God”. There are times that I have been able to do that, but often I sneak the worrisome problem back after I give it to Him & still continue to worry about it. I do not mean it as a disrespectful action in my faith, I worry if it is seen as such & that I feel it is such.
So, if we were not wired this way, what flipped the “on” switch making us succumb to these various types of personality disorders? Would a traumatic experience cause this, if so, what types of trauma can generate which disorders? Can you tell I miss psychology class? I took a psychology class at my local community college when I was 17 & I absolutely loved it. Our professor would tell of his obsession with a certain actress. His tales were as welcome as stand-up comedy & by listening & laughing we came to learn some point which was totally unexpected. Now, that is true teaching, finding innovative ways of making learning fun for the students & getting through to them! But…apparently I didn’t learn enough because I still have an unanswered question. I do know that according to Freud it would be mom’s fault! I also learned he apparently did a lot of drugs, so, his opinion is of less value to me than it might otherwise be. So now I have my unanswered question to worry over-I needed something new to obsess over – goodie!!!!
I seem to have a few obsessions. I am obsessed with keeping playing cards very neat & straight when playing a card game! I have been slacking off as of late, but before my un-health got the best of me, I was also obsessed with keeping my kitchen cupboards organized according to category. The spices were always alphabetized & then the boxed foods were categorized & alphabetized within their category as well! Soups & other canned foods suffered the same fate! I still have to talk myself out of a full blown panic about them not currently being in such a structured state!!! When the whole idea of a separate area for baking came into popularity I embraced it whole heartedly then spent sleepless nights not knowing what to do with the cross-over items which served dual purposes!!! I have to be on time or 5 minutes early wherever I go (sometimes I’m so afraid of being late that I am 20 minutes early then embarrassed by that fact). I also seem to be obsessed with worry, to the point of compulsion. If I am not worrying over something I am wracking what is left of my so called brain trying to figure out what I am forgetting to worry about!! No offence to anyone of any religion but I’ve been told by several people at various times in my life I would make a great Catholic-Jew because I am so obsessed with guilt, although not by choice!! I really have a preference for exclamation points but I’m not sure whether this is an obsession or not, you can decide that one!!!
Now to move on to my husband: he is a compulsive spender. He has great taste & a penchant for electronics, movies & music. His compulsive spending sends me into obsessive worrying bouts.
Despite the fact that I prefer things categorized & alphabetized I cannot keep a house clean to save my life. I also cannot throw things away very well. Any paper with one of my children’s scribbles is to be saved for life no matter what. I cannot bear to throw anything away that might, possibly be able to be used by another. Given that fact, I frequently gift hand-me-downs to Good-Will, the local Gospel Mission, or women’s shelter or random others. My husband has figured out to buy giant plastic storage bins for me to save kids’ schoolwork & other mementos. He has to sort the mail for me because I’m afraid to open mail that might have bad news (that whole worry thing) & afraid I might throw away something that was important, not realizing it’s value, then I’d feel horrible (the guilt thing). Yet, when he sorts the mail I am just as fearful he will make the same mistakes. Can’t win, that’s where the whole disorder-thing comes into play! Other than reassurances, a prescription for anti-anxiety medication & a “compulsion” to work out feelings through writing, not much can change all of this. Lucky you, Dear Readers, for here-in is how this blog was created!! Joyful day to you poor souls if you are trying to figure me out & a heaping helping of good luck as well!!! Please note the exclamation points!!! Also, if you do figure me out, drop me a note telling me!!
I do have a question though, how do we arrive at these states of being? Surely I wasn’t born with a compulsion to alphabetize things. For some reason a vague memory of a class on library skills in elementary school comes to mind & how crazy I found their catalog system to be. Was I wired from birth so to speak, with feelings of worry? Then I worry that the fact that I have so much worry in my life may make me a bad Christian since we, as Christians are to “let go & let God”. There are times that I have been able to do that, but often I sneak the worrisome problem back after I give it to Him & still continue to worry about it. I do not mean it as a disrespectful action in my faith, I worry if it is seen as such & that I feel it is such.
So, if we were not wired this way, what flipped the “on” switch making us succumb to these various types of personality disorders? Would a traumatic experience cause this, if so, what types of trauma can generate which disorders? Can you tell I miss psychology class? I took a psychology class at my local community college when I was 17 & I absolutely loved it. Our professor would tell of his obsession with a certain actress. His tales were as welcome as stand-up comedy & by listening & laughing we came to learn some point which was totally unexpected. Now, that is true teaching, finding innovative ways of making learning fun for the students & getting through to them! But…apparently I didn’t learn enough because I still have an unanswered question. I do know that according to Freud it would be mom’s fault! I also learned he apparently did a lot of drugs, so, his opinion is of less value to me than it might otherwise be. So now I have my unanswered question to worry over-I needed something new to obsess over – goodie!!!!
Halloween & The Aftermath
11/1/07
Last night my husband & I took 2 power-rangers & 1 ninja trick-or-treating. The tiniest of which had muscles built into the costume & the mask too large so that only his nostrils showed through the eye-holes. At first they timidly, slowly ventured forth, making sure to wait for each-other & obtain reassuring glances from us parents as they drew ever nearer the porch-lit doorways. Later they reveled in the fun of receiving candy, racing about. One house was apparently well known in the neighborhood for providing hot coffee to the grownups & even shouted out – “free coffee parents!” which was quite tempting if it hadn’t been for their non-lit, precarious steps up to their station. One particularly well decorated home intimidated our youngest a bit. After knowing of the previous season’s mishap when our teens took the boys trick-or-treating & a scared Crash screamed & ran into the house of total strangers hiding under a bed (or was it in a closet?) I suggested he hold his daddy’s hand. And that he did!
Apparently, despite our not having decorations or porch-lights on & an only 2/3 finished walkway to our porch, trick-or-treaters attempted knocks at our door anyway. Leave it to the African-Gray (Loca) to yell “Come in” at them. This left my niece & her fiancé having to go to the door or shout, “No, don’t come in!” These poor trick-or-treaters were so determined they even plagued the house next door which has been vacant for about a year or so! Now that’s determination!!
Today we sent Gumby (now known as Stretch) to school with invitations for girls & boys to his birthday party tomorrow at the local bowling alley. My husband was able to make great invitations with some characters that my son is particularly fond of. So, this time of year not only holds the sweets of Halloween but cake & ice-cream as well. The dentist needs to put: Provided for by (our name) on his new car or motorcycle which I’m sure we are purchasing for him, once we get him paid off that is.
My husband has today off because of having to work a day this weekend when nobody is on their computers at the office. This is always an awkward situation for us. If I talk much to him he feels I’m interrupting his day. I’m a gabber if y’all haven’t noticed & well, it’s just awkward. I feel if I’m not working my petutie off he may be passing some sort of judgment on me, yet, I’m not willing to over-work myself & risk another flare up of my chronic illnesses either. So, yeah, just gotta hang in there. God only knows what we’ll do when he’s retired. The man has adult ADD & just doesn’t know how to relax. Last night he was telling me how he felt he could use a computer program to draw out schematics for each section of an inflatable & then sew them together to create his own inflatable decorations. While this is an incredible idea & a very time-consuming & expensive effort it would be pretty cool to be able to do. However, my husband bless his heart, could receive a trophy for starting more projects he doesn’t finish before starting new projects. He is brilliant except for adequately managing time & money. He fully knows how to relax & also how to fully apply himself 110% to a project, as long as it stays interesting for him. Since he, like my oldest son, is very smart, he gets easily bored as well as easily annoyed with people who don’t understand things as well.
My oldest son, Z, was so amazed by the osteopathic treatment he received for his ankle injury ( a severe sprain & torn ligament) that he said it would make him want to be a doctor if it weren’t for the fact that he gets too annoyed having to deal with people. This coming from a guy who’s going into the nuclear power program for the Navy, ha ha, let’s all pray he doesn’t have access to any “red buttons”!!! “What? You made a mistake on my paycheck?”-poof!! Just kidding, he’s pretty good at keeping his cool for the most part.
Wow, how were those last 3 paragraphs for getting off subject? You’d think it wasn’t me writing this stuff it I didn’t stray from topic & wander aimlessly about my thoughts though right? Dear Readers, I wish you a cavity-free post-Halloween season, fun memories & ways to work around your significant other in harmony. I also wish any with lofty or elaborate ideas to fully pursue them, without such individuals I might need to find a way to cave-paint all this down for prosperity. Be Blessed, whomever your higher power be.
Last night my husband & I took 2 power-rangers & 1 ninja trick-or-treating. The tiniest of which had muscles built into the costume & the mask too large so that only his nostrils showed through the eye-holes. At first they timidly, slowly ventured forth, making sure to wait for each-other & obtain reassuring glances from us parents as they drew ever nearer the porch-lit doorways. Later they reveled in the fun of receiving candy, racing about. One house was apparently well known in the neighborhood for providing hot coffee to the grownups & even shouted out – “free coffee parents!” which was quite tempting if it hadn’t been for their non-lit, precarious steps up to their station. One particularly well decorated home intimidated our youngest a bit. After knowing of the previous season’s mishap when our teens took the boys trick-or-treating & a scared Crash screamed & ran into the house of total strangers hiding under a bed (or was it in a closet?) I suggested he hold his daddy’s hand. And that he did!
Apparently, despite our not having decorations or porch-lights on & an only 2/3 finished walkway to our porch, trick-or-treaters attempted knocks at our door anyway. Leave it to the African-Gray (Loca) to yell “Come in” at them. This left my niece & her fiancé having to go to the door or shout, “No, don’t come in!” These poor trick-or-treaters were so determined they even plagued the house next door which has been vacant for about a year or so! Now that’s determination!!
Today we sent Gumby (now known as Stretch) to school with invitations for girls & boys to his birthday party tomorrow at the local bowling alley. My husband was able to make great invitations with some characters that my son is particularly fond of. So, this time of year not only holds the sweets of Halloween but cake & ice-cream as well. The dentist needs to put: Provided for by (our name) on his new car or motorcycle which I’m sure we are purchasing for him, once we get him paid off that is.
My husband has today off because of having to work a day this weekend when nobody is on their computers at the office. This is always an awkward situation for us. If I talk much to him he feels I’m interrupting his day. I’m a gabber if y’all haven’t noticed & well, it’s just awkward. I feel if I’m not working my petutie off he may be passing some sort of judgment on me, yet, I’m not willing to over-work myself & risk another flare up of my chronic illnesses either. So, yeah, just gotta hang in there. God only knows what we’ll do when he’s retired. The man has adult ADD & just doesn’t know how to relax. Last night he was telling me how he felt he could use a computer program to draw out schematics for each section of an inflatable & then sew them together to create his own inflatable decorations. While this is an incredible idea & a very time-consuming & expensive effort it would be pretty cool to be able to do. However, my husband bless his heart, could receive a trophy for starting more projects he doesn’t finish before starting new projects. He is brilliant except for adequately managing time & money. He fully knows how to relax & also how to fully apply himself 110% to a project, as long as it stays interesting for him. Since he, like my oldest son, is very smart, he gets easily bored as well as easily annoyed with people who don’t understand things as well.
My oldest son, Z, was so amazed by the osteopathic treatment he received for his ankle injury ( a severe sprain & torn ligament) that he said it would make him want to be a doctor if it weren’t for the fact that he gets too annoyed having to deal with people. This coming from a guy who’s going into the nuclear power program for the Navy, ha ha, let’s all pray he doesn’t have access to any “red buttons”!!! “What? You made a mistake on my paycheck?”-poof!! Just kidding, he’s pretty good at keeping his cool for the most part.
Wow, how were those last 3 paragraphs for getting off subject? You’d think it wasn’t me writing this stuff it I didn’t stray from topic & wander aimlessly about my thoughts though right? Dear Readers, I wish you a cavity-free post-Halloween season, fun memories & ways to work around your significant other in harmony. I also wish any with lofty or elaborate ideas to fully pursue them, without such individuals I might need to find a way to cave-paint all this down for prosperity. Be Blessed, whomever your higher power be.
Fri. Night Lights Survival & Being A Swamp Ogre
10/28/’07
On Friday my oldest son had injured his ankle on the football field. He was so upset about not being able to play the rest of the game, this bothered him more than the pain of his injury. Saturday morning he went to the ER for an x-ray which luckily revealed no fracture. He insisted on going on his own & being 18 now, I’m trying to let him make some of his own decisions. The ortho doc who had been on-site at the game happened to be at the ER while Z was there & called me right away & told me there is no fracture, he also spoke with Z & the athletic trainer. I love the rapid follow-through & kindness of this new doctor our small town is abuzz with thankfulness for receiving, he has a fantastic rep & is from Stanford University. We live in a house with many stairs & it is not conducive to crutches or any sort of mobility problems but he managed it well. I had put an ice-chest in his room for him to ice his foot & we all tried to help carry things for him up & down the stairs. He had gone with his sister to a costumed Halloween party Saturday night. For the costumes our daughter went as “white trash” complete with massive blue eye-shadow, torn white t-shirt & cut-offs & a Coors beer trucker hat. Z modeled an outfit, going as his sister, in a miniskirt & spaghetti strap girly shirt. He didn’t wear it out of the house but he did at least show us & pose for a picture with his sister, he hates having his picture taken so that was a big deal. We got such a laugh too!! It was great!!
Unfortunately fell backwards down a short flight of stairs at the party, trying to get out of the way of others going the opposite direction. After that a friend brought him back home. He was pretty disappointed about not being able to do much but is doing pretty well otherwise. His poor foot was more swollen & bluish colored today. He’s managed the fine art of driving left footed which I don’t want to promote but, is pretty impressive none the less.
Saturday night was also the local university’s 14th annual haunted house. All that was required to attend was a willingness to go & a canned food donation for the local food bank. My anxiety got the best of me, as usual & the thought of a crowd in a confined area made me not want to attend, yet I wanted my boys to be able to go. Gumby decided he didn’t want to go but Boog & Crash were quite excited about it. Thankfully my niece came to the rescue once again, taking the boys for me & stopping at the local mini-mart to fulfill a craving I’d had for Diet Coke! God Bless Her!!!! They had fun & came home with some candy in a trick or treat bag.
I awoke this morning with the usual alarm-clock-child coming through the door asking for something, this morning it was cereal, prior to the crack of dawn. It is no use trying to get him to go back to sleep, this is something I have learned after many attempts. He excitedly jabbers to me about things then turns his bedroom light on to retrieve some item to show me. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if his other 2 brothers weren’t in there trying to still sleep. Now comes out the next boy, complaining about being awoken, then with his conversations & needs. Not long after the last boy comes out still in a half-sleep daze. I attend to all their needs, interact in their conversations happily & make coffee. I’m told by my boys they are lucky I am not so cranky today. I have to agree, I was horribly cranky yesterday. Noises & stress got the best of me, if it wasn’t the birds, boys or television it was the phone or the dogs, always something. I told the boys if they needed anything else to let me know now; nothing was needed thankfully & I told them I was going back to bed. This is something I never do, but by golly, today I needed to.
The shooting pain in my hip had interrupted my sleep, as had my teeth clenching from some bizarre yet stressful dream. I was actually able to get comfortable & go back to sleep for a bit. When I entered the living room hubby had made blueberry muffins & everyone was happy. He had Loca out playing with her & I got Sunny out to love on him as well. Coffee didn’t work for me with us being out of creamer I couldn’t foo-foo it up enough. So I poured some diet coke & used it to down my handful of medicine. When choosing a glass from the cupboard I automatically chose the one from McDonalds with the Shrek pictures on it. I seemed to identify with the swamp ogre way too well. I am not heroic nor a princess. I do feel unaccepted by most & live in a mess, though it is not a swamp.
Then came the cross discussion with hubby. He wanted to tear into another project in the house today. I, however, wanted him to please finish any of the ½ dozen or more other projects he’d already started & not finished. He does not stick to the subject matter when we discuss things, he turns vindictive & mean & plays me with guilt turning the crux of the matter into something else entirely unrecognizable. We both give up on the conversation & focus our attention on television as if it will teleport us away into a more perfect world. At least it offers a bit of escapism from current tensions. I may have silently won because he is now working on some of the unfinished things surrounding us instead of ripping out a closet to create more wall space. A silent victory deserves a silent celebration so, shhh, “hooray & yippy-skippy do-dah-day!!”
This ogre is going to attempt to be less ogre-ish, maybe even get dressed & go to the store. I will try not to stress out, try to fit in & survive outside of my home-“swampland”. Today, Dear Readers, I wish you success in stretching your boundaries of your comfort zones. I wish you a good laugh & plenty of foo-foo for your coffee; good dreams & restful sleep & a snooze button for any alarm-clock children of your own. Be Blessed!
On Friday my oldest son had injured his ankle on the football field. He was so upset about not being able to play the rest of the game, this bothered him more than the pain of his injury. Saturday morning he went to the ER for an x-ray which luckily revealed no fracture. He insisted on going on his own & being 18 now, I’m trying to let him make some of his own decisions. The ortho doc who had been on-site at the game happened to be at the ER while Z was there & called me right away & told me there is no fracture, he also spoke with Z & the athletic trainer. I love the rapid follow-through & kindness of this new doctor our small town is abuzz with thankfulness for receiving, he has a fantastic rep & is from Stanford University. We live in a house with many stairs & it is not conducive to crutches or any sort of mobility problems but he managed it well. I had put an ice-chest in his room for him to ice his foot & we all tried to help carry things for him up & down the stairs. He had gone with his sister to a costumed Halloween party Saturday night. For the costumes our daughter went as “white trash” complete with massive blue eye-shadow, torn white t-shirt & cut-offs & a Coors beer trucker hat. Z modeled an outfit, going as his sister, in a miniskirt & spaghetti strap girly shirt. He didn’t wear it out of the house but he did at least show us & pose for a picture with his sister, he hates having his picture taken so that was a big deal. We got such a laugh too!! It was great!!
Unfortunately fell backwards down a short flight of stairs at the party, trying to get out of the way of others going the opposite direction. After that a friend brought him back home. He was pretty disappointed about not being able to do much but is doing pretty well otherwise. His poor foot was more swollen & bluish colored today. He’s managed the fine art of driving left footed which I don’t want to promote but, is pretty impressive none the less.
Saturday night was also the local university’s 14th annual haunted house. All that was required to attend was a willingness to go & a canned food donation for the local food bank. My anxiety got the best of me, as usual & the thought of a crowd in a confined area made me not want to attend, yet I wanted my boys to be able to go. Gumby decided he didn’t want to go but Boog & Crash were quite excited about it. Thankfully my niece came to the rescue once again, taking the boys for me & stopping at the local mini-mart to fulfill a craving I’d had for Diet Coke! God Bless Her!!!! They had fun & came home with some candy in a trick or treat bag.
I awoke this morning with the usual alarm-clock-child coming through the door asking for something, this morning it was cereal, prior to the crack of dawn. It is no use trying to get him to go back to sleep, this is something I have learned after many attempts. He excitedly jabbers to me about things then turns his bedroom light on to retrieve some item to show me. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if his other 2 brothers weren’t in there trying to still sleep. Now comes out the next boy, complaining about being awoken, then with his conversations & needs. Not long after the last boy comes out still in a half-sleep daze. I attend to all their needs, interact in their conversations happily & make coffee. I’m told by my boys they are lucky I am not so cranky today. I have to agree, I was horribly cranky yesterday. Noises & stress got the best of me, if it wasn’t the birds, boys or television it was the phone or the dogs, always something. I told the boys if they needed anything else to let me know now; nothing was needed thankfully & I told them I was going back to bed. This is something I never do, but by golly, today I needed to.
The shooting pain in my hip had interrupted my sleep, as had my teeth clenching from some bizarre yet stressful dream. I was actually able to get comfortable & go back to sleep for a bit. When I entered the living room hubby had made blueberry muffins & everyone was happy. He had Loca out playing with her & I got Sunny out to love on him as well. Coffee didn’t work for me with us being out of creamer I couldn’t foo-foo it up enough. So I poured some diet coke & used it to down my handful of medicine. When choosing a glass from the cupboard I automatically chose the one from McDonalds with the Shrek pictures on it. I seemed to identify with the swamp ogre way too well. I am not heroic nor a princess. I do feel unaccepted by most & live in a mess, though it is not a swamp.
Then came the cross discussion with hubby. He wanted to tear into another project in the house today. I, however, wanted him to please finish any of the ½ dozen or more other projects he’d already started & not finished. He does not stick to the subject matter when we discuss things, he turns vindictive & mean & plays me with guilt turning the crux of the matter into something else entirely unrecognizable. We both give up on the conversation & focus our attention on television as if it will teleport us away into a more perfect world. At least it offers a bit of escapism from current tensions. I may have silently won because he is now working on some of the unfinished things surrounding us instead of ripping out a closet to create more wall space. A silent victory deserves a silent celebration so, shhh, “hooray & yippy-skippy do-dah-day!!”
This ogre is going to attempt to be less ogre-ish, maybe even get dressed & go to the store. I will try not to stress out, try to fit in & survive outside of my home-“swampland”. Today, Dear Readers, I wish you success in stretching your boundaries of your comfort zones. I wish you a good laugh & plenty of foo-foo for your coffee; good dreams & restful sleep & a snooze button for any alarm-clock children of your own. Be Blessed!
Glory Days Gone Awry
10/26/07
Dolly spearheaded an effort this afternoon which came to fruition in making Big Z a balloon bouquet tied to a bag of candy. Tonight was the last home-field game played by the football team & homage is paid to the graduating seniors. I even talked my husband into going! He brought the cam-corder though it didn’t get used much because he was shaking a bit from asthma & the cold. We stood on the sidelines & waited out turn, when our son’s # was called we went up & had a photo taken with him. The cheerleaders also paid tribute to each of the senior football players with little gifts.
My niece had watched the boys for us so they would not be exposed to the cold. The game was going fairly evenly despite the enormous size of the opposing team. Z was credited with at least 1 tackle & a stop, he held his own very well against the others. Then, we saw 2 players helping our son off of the field. The trainer looked at him & I was told the other gentleman with him was the new orthopedic / sports medicine doctor in town. The good news is that it is currently believed that there is no break; however, there is at the very least a severe sprain to his right ankle. He was given the use of crutches which were too short for him but better than nothing. His ankle was wrapped with an ice pack & he stood barefoot on the sidelines watching the outcome of the game. He insisted on waiting until tomorrow morning for the x-ray I insisted he carpool with his sister & let her drive, hopefully that advice will be heeded. The orthopedist told us he has access to the x-rays on-line from his home & can call us Monday with the results. The trainer told us if we get the x-ray done tomorrow morning & it is just a severe sprain that he will start Z on e-stim & strengthening exercises.
The poor guy was so angry about the situation but he did a really good job holding it together. To top off his frustrations his girlfriend wasn’t allowed to go to the game nor the dance. In my mind this is a good intervention although unknown at the time, because this meant the outcome was him coming straight home from the game with his sister. My husband works tomorrow so I will have my niece or daughter watch the little guys for me to take Z to the ER & then to the football field-house / training room. Wish us luck!! Thank you for reading & Be Blessed Dear Readers!
Dolly spearheaded an effort this afternoon which came to fruition in making Big Z a balloon bouquet tied to a bag of candy. Tonight was the last home-field game played by the football team & homage is paid to the graduating seniors. I even talked my husband into going! He brought the cam-corder though it didn’t get used much because he was shaking a bit from asthma & the cold. We stood on the sidelines & waited out turn, when our son’s # was called we went up & had a photo taken with him. The cheerleaders also paid tribute to each of the senior football players with little gifts.
My niece had watched the boys for us so they would not be exposed to the cold. The game was going fairly evenly despite the enormous size of the opposing team. Z was credited with at least 1 tackle & a stop, he held his own very well against the others. Then, we saw 2 players helping our son off of the field. The trainer looked at him & I was told the other gentleman with him was the new orthopedic / sports medicine doctor in town. The good news is that it is currently believed that there is no break; however, there is at the very least a severe sprain to his right ankle. He was given the use of crutches which were too short for him but better than nothing. His ankle was wrapped with an ice pack & he stood barefoot on the sidelines watching the outcome of the game. He insisted on waiting until tomorrow morning for the x-ray I insisted he carpool with his sister & let her drive, hopefully that advice will be heeded. The orthopedist told us he has access to the x-rays on-line from his home & can call us Monday with the results. The trainer told us if we get the x-ray done tomorrow morning & it is just a severe sprain that he will start Z on e-stim & strengthening exercises.
The poor guy was so angry about the situation but he did a really good job holding it together. To top off his frustrations his girlfriend wasn’t allowed to go to the game nor the dance. In my mind this is a good intervention although unknown at the time, because this meant the outcome was him coming straight home from the game with his sister. My husband works tomorrow so I will have my niece or daughter watch the little guys for me to take Z to the ER & then to the football field-house / training room. Wish us luck!! Thank you for reading & Be Blessed Dear Readers!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Eat Your Heart Out "Kids Say The Darndest Things" Creators
First off, in a household of 9 people & several furry, feathered, finned companions, there is no such thing as privacy. That said, I was not eaves-dropping, just over-heard the following yesterday afternoon. My niece & her fiance were in their room & apparently having a tickle match or something. There was some whooping & hollering & lots of laughing. Crash, our almost 4 year old goes charging into their room to see what's going on. They tell him he can't just come in, he has to knock. He sighs & goes out, shuts the door, knocks & comes back into their room. They say, no, you have to wait for us to say "who is it?" then tell us your name. He sighs heavier, goes out, knocks, waits for the question then answers as he's opening the door, it me .... Well they explain it to him again, stating that after that he is to wait for them to say "Come in". He is getting tired by this point but tries it again, then says, "Oh just never mind". Later another outburst of laughter & screams erupts from their room. This time Crash goes to the door & says exactly as I do, "Don't make me come in there guys". Following this statement he goes on to say, "OK, that's it, I'm coming in" I happen to be in a nearby room & shout, "No, give them their privacy, stay out of their room." There is a pause in his normally busy, noisy behavior then he says, "I give you sticker if you be good!" to the still closed door of my niece's room. It was pretty funny.
He seems to be on a real roll. Today he was playing with a bouncy ball which bounced under the couch & he griped, "Oh Tarter Sauce!" Can you tell we are Sponge-Bob fans????
My mother-in-law gave us a plaque a while back which says "Having kids is like being pecked to death by a duck" This is so appropriate on many levels since my husband also has pet ducks in addition to all our children. I couldn't agree more with this plaque, it seems to be laughing at me from it's position on my desk, taunting me, as if to say, "If you'd only known" Known the work, the heart-ache, the sleepless nights hanging out with a puking child, the trying to remember which kid likes pb&j & which one likes ham & cheese & not get their lunch boxes mixed up. Yes, I'd still do it, because other-wise I might never have learned how my bribery enforced parenting (I don't care what the experts say it works) has now gone forth a generation to my almost 4 yr old attempting to use it on my niece & her fiance. That is just too funny not to hear in person. So, the next time I get frustrated with finding his socks on the kitchen floor so that he can use his toes to scale the handles of the kitchen cupboards to stand on the counter & get candy out of the top cupboard, I'll try to say "Oh Tarter Sauce" instead of becoming frustrated.
Dear Readers, Be Blessed & find your funny bone then give it a good tickle-match!
He seems to be on a real roll. Today he was playing with a bouncy ball which bounced under the couch & he griped, "Oh Tarter Sauce!" Can you tell we are Sponge-Bob fans????
My mother-in-law gave us a plaque a while back which says "Having kids is like being pecked to death by a duck" This is so appropriate on many levels since my husband also has pet ducks in addition to all our children. I couldn't agree more with this plaque, it seems to be laughing at me from it's position on my desk, taunting me, as if to say, "If you'd only known" Known the work, the heart-ache, the sleepless nights hanging out with a puking child, the trying to remember which kid likes pb&j & which one likes ham & cheese & not get their lunch boxes mixed up. Yes, I'd still do it, because other-wise I might never have learned how my bribery enforced parenting (I don't care what the experts say it works) has now gone forth a generation to my almost 4 yr old attempting to use it on my niece & her fiance. That is just too funny not to hear in person. So, the next time I get frustrated with finding his socks on the kitchen floor so that he can use his toes to scale the handles of the kitchen cupboards to stand on the counter & get candy out of the top cupboard, I'll try to say "Oh Tarter Sauce" instead of becoming frustrated.
Dear Readers, Be Blessed & find your funny bone then give it a good tickle-match!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Just Another Day
I had a rheumatology appointment yesterday & a flu shot, yippee-skippy. It is funny when someone has chronic pain & the doctor pushing on "trigger points" gently feels like he's trying to kill me & yet, the nurse apologizing for giving me the shot, doesn't hurt me at all. It's been a couple days now & I've not dislocated my wrist so there's more good news. Oh & the doctor increased one of my medicines to be taken more often since it seems to help me the most. Now on to slightly less boring news.
A newer phrase from my almost 4 year old who is in speech therapy which we have no clue where he picked it up is: " You just freakin' me out guys". He also seems to insist daily on me watching a movie with him. I don't mind but this excuse is wearing thin with the family for me not getting stuff done. He also described his oldest brother's new girlfriend as the one with the pretty dress & hair & tiny brown nose (she is very tan & beautiful, not a brown-nose, just tan all over). She was wearing a beautiful dress for church after a family breakfast adventure at a restaurant. Bless her heart, she held up well dealing with all of us plus the grand-parents!
I actually, for once, made dinner for my family last night! I know, my apologies, I should have warned you to sit down before reading that shocking news. I use to love to cook meals for my family & bake too, but lately, for the longest time it's all I can do to pop a take n bake pizza in the oven! I suppose having back spasms & being in pain whether on a heating pad, lying down or in the kitchen cooking had its upside!
Tonight will be the 2nd night of Kids' Wrestling Club for our tiny lil Boog. He missed the first week due to conflicts in our family's schedule & then made only 1 of the 2 practices the 2nd week due to dental work & being numb still. He loves it & it is truly fun to watch.
Our Gumby went to a birthday party at a laser-tag place & had the time of his life. Dolly drove him there & picked him up too. She said it's so cool inside she'd like to have a birthday party there! That's cute because she's almost 17!
I've learned that when the African Gray won't stop impersonating a telephone ringing if I tell her, "Wrong number!" she actually stops. This is an invaluable bit of knowledge & I'm thankful the handy lil trick works! I'm now going to try to see if I can psychically get the laundry to move itself from washer to dryer then levitate upstairs for me & fold itself. I won't try to make it sort & put away in the correct person's drawer, that would just be asking too much! Wish me luck, I figure with all the stupid psychic commercials I've been seeing, if I can learn by osmosis then I have a fighting chance! Yeah, right, but I can dream I guess.
Well, I've got boys to cart to school despite declarations of stomach aches & such. I told them they've played opossum too many times & from now on are going to school & the school can call me to come pick them up if they are still sick when there. They aren't too happy about this. Good thing I'm not deploying "Major Pain" tactics as in the funny movie "let me show you a little trick take your mind off that pain" ha ha.
I'm in desperate need of scotch tape so will also spend the day looking for that. We have just slightly less than a million Halloween pictures that Gumby has drawn to put up all over the place.
Whoops, I'm still in my jammies & need to skedaddle so bye for now Dear Readers, Be Blessed!
A newer phrase from my almost 4 year old who is in speech therapy which we have no clue where he picked it up is: " You just freakin' me out guys". He also seems to insist daily on me watching a movie with him. I don't mind but this excuse is wearing thin with the family for me not getting stuff done. He also described his oldest brother's new girlfriend as the one with the pretty dress & hair & tiny brown nose (she is very tan & beautiful, not a brown-nose, just tan all over). She was wearing a beautiful dress for church after a family breakfast adventure at a restaurant. Bless her heart, she held up well dealing with all of us plus the grand-parents!
I actually, for once, made dinner for my family last night! I know, my apologies, I should have warned you to sit down before reading that shocking news. I use to love to cook meals for my family & bake too, but lately, for the longest time it's all I can do to pop a take n bake pizza in the oven! I suppose having back spasms & being in pain whether on a heating pad, lying down or in the kitchen cooking had its upside!
Tonight will be the 2nd night of Kids' Wrestling Club for our tiny lil Boog. He missed the first week due to conflicts in our family's schedule & then made only 1 of the 2 practices the 2nd week due to dental work & being numb still. He loves it & it is truly fun to watch.
Our Gumby went to a birthday party at a laser-tag place & had the time of his life. Dolly drove him there & picked him up too. She said it's so cool inside she'd like to have a birthday party there! That's cute because she's almost 17!
I've learned that when the African Gray won't stop impersonating a telephone ringing if I tell her, "Wrong number!" she actually stops. This is an invaluable bit of knowledge & I'm thankful the handy lil trick works! I'm now going to try to see if I can psychically get the laundry to move itself from washer to dryer then levitate upstairs for me & fold itself. I won't try to make it sort & put away in the correct person's drawer, that would just be asking too much! Wish me luck, I figure with all the stupid psychic commercials I've been seeing, if I can learn by osmosis then I have a fighting chance! Yeah, right, but I can dream I guess.
Well, I've got boys to cart to school despite declarations of stomach aches & such. I told them they've played opossum too many times & from now on are going to school & the school can call me to come pick them up if they are still sick when there. They aren't too happy about this. Good thing I'm not deploying "Major Pain" tactics as in the funny movie "let me show you a little trick take your mind off that pain" ha ha.
I'm in desperate need of scotch tape so will also spend the day looking for that. We have just slightly less than a million Halloween pictures that Gumby has drawn to put up all over the place.
Whoops, I'm still in my jammies & need to skedaddle so bye for now Dear Readers, Be Blessed!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Why?
Why am I so lonely today? I woke up in severe pain, like a 97 on a scale of 1-10. That pain scale is so extremely stupid, it doesn't accurately reflect pain, I don't know if anything can. I'm feeling better physically but... The rain & skiff of snow have melted away. An occasional cloud rolls past the sun & the light & shadows play in our house, enticing our birds to chatter excitedly in their native tongues. About an hour or so ago I saw a young doe in our back yard with what was probably her fawn, though no spots. It is amazing how delicately these animals sneak about, nervous of any disturbance. I was mesmerised by how they could munch the leaves, striping a branch of a tree or shrub leaving the now naked branch perfectly intact. It brought me great joy watching them for as long as I could, even though I sight them often, they always steal my heart. I was then watching our fish & thinking of what a symbiotic world we live in, for the most part. Then I began to wonder, where I fit in with the whole symbiotic relationship & if my contribution was relevant to what I take in return. I think it may be sorely lacking & that saddens me. I hope I am further reaching & impacting than I am aware. I hope that for every negative experience anyone has, the good that comes of it is that he or she is somehow able to impart compassion, support or other help for others in a similar circumstance, maybe even a little wisdom if we are lucky. My Dolly girl came home briefly to grab lunch before heading back to school. It dawned on me yet again, increasingly more often, how much she is less of a Dolly girl & more of a Dolly woman. She looks so beautiful, I admire so many qualities she has.
I've been getting dressed & doing my hair & makeup even though just agonizing in pain around the house often times. It made me feel better one or two days, it doesn't seem to be working today though. Maybe it is because I am out of some of my medications, maybe a full moon is imminently approaching or in phase or phasing out, I feel like I'm phasing out. I liken myself to a catalog sitting on the end table in our living-room: collecting dust, not having anything new or of enough value to make people look further inside. Am I dusty? Yes, I'm afraid so & that isn't going to change unless there is a cure for all that ails me magically discovered overnight. I think I've pretty much tried it all- pretending there is nothing wrong, doing all I can to ignore every symptom, treating as doctors say, or telling them-hey no way, this isn't working-specialized diets, & so on. I'm fairly convinced it will take an act of God to fix this chronic pain disease which for years many believed wasn't real. The chronic fatigue that was to last only 6 months has gone on for 14 years now. Yawn. Luckily I am limber to the point of being called a contortionist as a kid, so when the hypermobility syndrome kicks in & something dislocates I can usually snap it back into joint myself without the usual trip others like me have to make to the E.R. -yeah, I found out there are others like me in this regard at least! Popping back into joint at home may avoid a lot of waiting room time & paperwork & $ but it doesn't hurt any less, perhaps moreso.
I have 6 children, my oldest I haven't seen this year, she was just too busy & lives in another state & time & money were of conflict for both of us at times. My youngest clings to me at times, whines & gabs & gets more than his fair share of attention. The ones in the middle are in school & busy with their activities. My niece & her fiance are on vampire schedule because he works swing shift so I rarely see them. With 9 people under one roof it is hard to imagine feeling lonely. Especially given all the animal companionship: fish, 2 parrots - an African Gray & a Senegal, a lop bunny, 2 dogs, doves & ducks. My husband works so much & doesn't hardly want spoken to when he gets home, he's just that tired & stressed. Well, such is life. I guess things will get better. I'm enjoying the computer today & various other electrical items as it appears our service may be shut off tomorrow unless another magic wand is waved. Always something, always behind, as my "catching up" post goes into. Be Blessed Dear Readers!
I've been getting dressed & doing my hair & makeup even though just agonizing in pain around the house often times. It made me feel better one or two days, it doesn't seem to be working today though. Maybe it is because I am out of some of my medications, maybe a full moon is imminently approaching or in phase or phasing out, I feel like I'm phasing out. I liken myself to a catalog sitting on the end table in our living-room: collecting dust, not having anything new or of enough value to make people look further inside. Am I dusty? Yes, I'm afraid so & that isn't going to change unless there is a cure for all that ails me magically discovered overnight. I think I've pretty much tried it all- pretending there is nothing wrong, doing all I can to ignore every symptom, treating as doctors say, or telling them-hey no way, this isn't working-specialized diets, & so on. I'm fairly convinced it will take an act of God to fix this chronic pain disease which for years many believed wasn't real. The chronic fatigue that was to last only 6 months has gone on for 14 years now. Yawn. Luckily I am limber to the point of being called a contortionist as a kid, so when the hypermobility syndrome kicks in & something dislocates I can usually snap it back into joint myself without the usual trip others like me have to make to the E.R. -yeah, I found out there are others like me in this regard at least! Popping back into joint at home may avoid a lot of waiting room time & paperwork & $ but it doesn't hurt any less, perhaps moreso.
I have 6 children, my oldest I haven't seen this year, she was just too busy & lives in another state & time & money were of conflict for both of us at times. My youngest clings to me at times, whines & gabs & gets more than his fair share of attention. The ones in the middle are in school & busy with their activities. My niece & her fiance are on vampire schedule because he works swing shift so I rarely see them. With 9 people under one roof it is hard to imagine feeling lonely. Especially given all the animal companionship: fish, 2 parrots - an African Gray & a Senegal, a lop bunny, 2 dogs, doves & ducks. My husband works so much & doesn't hardly want spoken to when he gets home, he's just that tired & stressed. Well, such is life. I guess things will get better. I'm enjoying the computer today & various other electrical items as it appears our service may be shut off tomorrow unless another magic wand is waved. Always something, always behind, as my "catching up" post goes into. Be Blessed Dear Readers!
Catching Up
It seems we are forever behind in everything no matter what, but maybe that further compels us to keep pedalling forward. I'm not sure some days. My husband brought home even more laundry than I did from the camping trip. He stripped the bed & brought in all the blankets too. Ugh. I was too sick to go to the most recent 2 home football games to support Big Z & feel bad about that. I missed Dolly's powder-puff game to attend a meeting for parents with students graduating high school this year. I also missed Boog (6 1/2 yr old ) getting to wrestling practice the first week. I did get to see my two oldest at-home children in their outfits for the home-coming dance & they looked absolutely lovely. Big Z had a date for the dance & Dolly went with her girlfriends.
As of late, we are all feeling better virus wise. I received an unexpected package in the mail from my uncle, the oldest surviving member of my father's side of the family. It was photos of my father when he was a baby with my Grandfather, also photos of my father from the war & his school year book! It was just amazing to see the process that was gone through to create these books, the pages were typed then folded in half at the top to make two-sided pages & the photos were individually glued into position. I can't imagine doing this for an entire graduating class, wow! There was a news article about my father being promoted to first lieutenant in the war, he flew B25 bombers on strafing missions in WWII. The package was such a nice surprise. I use to love surprises, now it seems I am fearful of them & I opened the package with trepidation fearful of bad news. It sort of makes me wonder where the fun-me disappeared to?
Speaking of fun, Crash has invited me onto his top bunk to watch cartoons with him a few times now & I've done so. More recently I've told him it's just way too hard for mommy to get up there so we watch on the bottom bunk which is a futon couch & quite comfy. Cartoons with a little guy or movies can be quite fun. Better than cleaning Sunny's bird cage that's for sure! I can attest to that after having done so this morning. The novelty of the some of the spilled bird seed in the cage actually having sprouted into grass from Sunny flipping his water dish over & watering it, not to mention the free fertilizer, well, the novelty just had worn off. Yuck. Nice & clean now though! I've finally gotten Loca, the African Gray to stop ringing like a phone by telling her "Wrong number Loca" Thank goodness, it is so annoying. Another fun thing was watching my 6 1/2 yr old & a large number of other kids at wrestling club last night! It was Boog's first time there, having missed the first 2 practices but he did pretty well. His partner, I was told by his gramma, had thought it would be like WWF style & wanted to know where his costume was & if they'd play a drum for him to come in with & he needed a nick-name! They did well & Boog really enjoyed it. We are hoping it will help our human tooth-pick of a child to build some muscle & good paying-attention skills as well. Very fun. I've been trying to add in photos to these blogs the last few days but some error is preventing me from sharing them with you, my apologies.
Well, Dear Readers, thank you for your support & Be Blessed! Have a beautiful day & find a way to have fun!
As of late, we are all feeling better virus wise. I received an unexpected package in the mail from my uncle, the oldest surviving member of my father's side of the family. It was photos of my father when he was a baby with my Grandfather, also photos of my father from the war & his school year book! It was just amazing to see the process that was gone through to create these books, the pages were typed then folded in half at the top to make two-sided pages & the photos were individually glued into position. I can't imagine doing this for an entire graduating class, wow! There was a news article about my father being promoted to first lieutenant in the war, he flew B25 bombers on strafing missions in WWII. The package was such a nice surprise. I use to love surprises, now it seems I am fearful of them & I opened the package with trepidation fearful of bad news. It sort of makes me wonder where the fun-me disappeared to?
Speaking of fun, Crash has invited me onto his top bunk to watch cartoons with him a few times now & I've done so. More recently I've told him it's just way too hard for mommy to get up there so we watch on the bottom bunk which is a futon couch & quite comfy. Cartoons with a little guy or movies can be quite fun. Better than cleaning Sunny's bird cage that's for sure! I can attest to that after having done so this morning. The novelty of the some of the spilled bird seed in the cage actually having sprouted into grass from Sunny flipping his water dish over & watering it, not to mention the free fertilizer, well, the novelty just had worn off. Yuck. Nice & clean now though! I've finally gotten Loca, the African Gray to stop ringing like a phone by telling her "Wrong number Loca" Thank goodness, it is so annoying. Another fun thing was watching my 6 1/2 yr old & a large number of other kids at wrestling club last night! It was Boog's first time there, having missed the first 2 practices but he did pretty well. His partner, I was told by his gramma, had thought it would be like WWF style & wanted to know where his costume was & if they'd play a drum for him to come in with & he needed a nick-name! They did well & Boog really enjoyed it. We are hoping it will help our human tooth-pick of a child to build some muscle & good paying-attention skills as well. Very fun. I've been trying to add in photos to these blogs the last few days but some error is preventing me from sharing them with you, my apologies.
Well, Dear Readers, thank you for your support & Be Blessed! Have a beautiful day & find a way to have fun!
Extreme Camping - Day 4 Home-coming!
I drove through 40+ mph winds to get home today with the boys. I then find out my 16 year old daughter, Dolly, had 3 girls or so over to spend the night. We had discussed prior to my leaving, no parties. She explained in her defence that a few girls for a sleep-over was not her idea of a party & if I wanted she could take me to a "party". Ugh. My niece & daughter got into it a bit & things went a little overboard. At this time, since I was met with most of the info the instant I emerged from the car, in my driveway, from the neighbor, I was somewhat willing to get back in the car & drive for another 3 hours away again. Dolly then complained there was not enough food left in the house for her & Big Z (her big brother, my oldest son). A $20.00 bill mysteriously disappeared too, supposedly. What is odd is that in the week since that, we've had a hand held razor for shaving show up & a pair of boxer shorts that nobody claims any knowledge of. I'm wondering if my missing sock to the pair & the $20.00 bill showed up at somebody else's house somehow in a cosmic trade?
Everybody is wanting something from me & I am unable to fulfill all their needs. I prefer to be independent & able to take care of things as they arise the best I can, but that isn't the case for me right now. I'm dependant on my husband for almost everything, he is the only source of income right now & does not like being told what to do so it is tricky to stroke egos & accomplish things in the correct order. Adult ADD & compulsive spending habits do not help him, but the heart wants what it wants & so here we are. On top of this I came home with an insurmountable load of laundry to do & in such pain & agony I winced as I climbed my stairs to check & move the loads from washer & dryer, being dependant on others to sometimes carry the loads upstairs for me. Others are not always available when needed & I hate asking people to do stuff, I'm seen as the Chore Queen, or so I fear, & often met with excuses as to why whatever it is cannot be done. Oh well. We manage to continue forward somehow. My cold reached the point where I was completely hoarse, the boys were sick as well. I also came home to a niece who had a stomach virus for days on end. Boy, extreme camping is sure looking good.
Survival skills are just as much used here on the home front as out in the wild I suppose, just of a different nature. Be Blessed Dear Readers!
Everybody is wanting something from me & I am unable to fulfill all their needs. I prefer to be independent & able to take care of things as they arise the best I can, but that isn't the case for me right now. I'm dependant on my husband for almost everything, he is the only source of income right now & does not like being told what to do so it is tricky to stroke egos & accomplish things in the correct order. Adult ADD & compulsive spending habits do not help him, but the heart wants what it wants & so here we are. On top of this I came home with an insurmountable load of laundry to do & in such pain & agony I winced as I climbed my stairs to check & move the loads from washer & dryer, being dependant on others to sometimes carry the loads upstairs for me. Others are not always available when needed & I hate asking people to do stuff, I'm seen as the Chore Queen, or so I fear, & often met with excuses as to why whatever it is cannot be done. Oh well. We manage to continue forward somehow. My cold reached the point where I was completely hoarse, the boys were sick as well. I also came home to a niece who had a stomach virus for days on end. Boy, extreme camping is sure looking good.
Survival skills are just as much used here on the home front as out in the wild I suppose, just of a different nature. Be Blessed Dear Readers!
Extreme Camping - Day 3 Recovering & Such
Last night our intrepid camper Gumby (7 1/2 yr old) suddenly emerged from the camper to sit next to us by the campfire. With sad, watery eyes he said in a pitiful voice, "I feel sick". He nearly immediately threw-up. Crash (3 1/2 yr old) fell asleep without eating his dinner but had noshed on jerky like a wild man. I hadn't slept more than a cat-nap here & there at various times throughout the night. It was amusing to hear little guy snores & the occasional blurb of sleep-talking coming from one or both of the youngest two. Since the boys slept in the living & dining quarters of the camper, there was no where to escape to.
This morning Gumby was perfectly fine in a way that only children can be recovering from a virus. My hubby was kind enough to hand me coffee, however our big dog was vying for more attention & put her paw on my lap accidentally knocking the literally, boiling-hot beverage all over me. Funny how fast boiling liquid can seep through a robe & pajamas-but I wasn't laughing. After a bit of debating hubby finally decided to attempt taking the boys out on his own to fish a nearby lake he had not yet explored. I had mentioned the idea of hanging out at the camp today playing card games & watching movies but this was met with extreme disapproval from My Dearest. Apparently these fish are on a schedule & won't wait a day to be caught, ha ha. I am of the mind that his winning a game of electronic Yatzee against me is what set the odds in my favor & elevated his mood to the status of fearlessly taking his sons fishing without me. I had previously beat the socks of him a couple times at games of electronic scrabble on his palm pilot. Men & egos are tricky things, like a moody cat or an injured wild animal. I envisioned open fractures & no cell signal. While the former is highly unlikely, the latter is true. When they left I locked the door - just in case, in case of what I don't know, there is virtually nobody around other than an occasional deer hunter a few miles away passing by. So, unless squirrels are going to knock on the door & try to sell me something or ask for me to put more dog food out, I should be race-ready for a nap. If sleep would just come. hubby's cpap machine hadn't been working so he was snoring during the nights too. Without that to contend with I may have a chance! Yea!
After finally relaxing (without my restless leg medicine & sleep medicine that's tough to do) I fell asleep for about 2 hours. Waking to have my same disc slip in my back for the 2nd time today wasn't fun. However, spying 2 Golden mantle chipmunks delight in running up to our dog food bowl, eat a kernel & take one back to their little homes gave me great joy & entertainment. In my next life, I want to be a chipmunk: they're suppose to get fat in the winter & rest a lot. The rest of the time they're spunky, energetic & always cute, making people smile. It's a tough call, stay up & watch them haul off all our dog food or - go back to bed. I have a feeling more chippy viewing opportunities will more readily present themselves than napping opportunities, so, back to being a "Bed Zombie" as Gumby newly dubbed me. The sun is out but so is the wind, I'm so glad I got to stay behind today & nurse my cold & everything else that's wrong with me! Note to self - let hubby win more games of Yatzee.
This morning Gumby was perfectly fine in a way that only children can be recovering from a virus. My hubby was kind enough to hand me coffee, however our big dog was vying for more attention & put her paw on my lap accidentally knocking the literally, boiling-hot beverage all over me. Funny how fast boiling liquid can seep through a robe & pajamas-but I wasn't laughing. After a bit of debating hubby finally decided to attempt taking the boys out on his own to fish a nearby lake he had not yet explored. I had mentioned the idea of hanging out at the camp today playing card games & watching movies but this was met with extreme disapproval from My Dearest. Apparently these fish are on a schedule & won't wait a day to be caught, ha ha. I am of the mind that his winning a game of electronic Yatzee against me is what set the odds in my favor & elevated his mood to the status of fearlessly taking his sons fishing without me. I had previously beat the socks of him a couple times at games of electronic scrabble on his palm pilot. Men & egos are tricky things, like a moody cat or an injured wild animal. I envisioned open fractures & no cell signal. While the former is highly unlikely, the latter is true. When they left I locked the door - just in case, in case of what I don't know, there is virtually nobody around other than an occasional deer hunter a few miles away passing by. So, unless squirrels are going to knock on the door & try to sell me something or ask for me to put more dog food out, I should be race-ready for a nap. If sleep would just come. hubby's cpap machine hadn't been working so he was snoring during the nights too. Without that to contend with I may have a chance! Yea!
After finally relaxing (without my restless leg medicine & sleep medicine that's tough to do) I fell asleep for about 2 hours. Waking to have my same disc slip in my back for the 2nd time today wasn't fun. However, spying 2 Golden mantle chipmunks delight in running up to our dog food bowl, eat a kernel & take one back to their little homes gave me great joy & entertainment. In my next life, I want to be a chipmunk: they're suppose to get fat in the winter & rest a lot. The rest of the time they're spunky, energetic & always cute, making people smile. It's a tough call, stay up & watch them haul off all our dog food or - go back to bed. I have a feeling more chippy viewing opportunities will more readily present themselves than napping opportunities, so, back to being a "Bed Zombie" as Gumby newly dubbed me. The sun is out but so is the wind, I'm so glad I got to stay behind today & nurse my cold & everything else that's wrong with me! Note to self - let hubby win more games of Yatzee.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Extreme Camping - Day 2 - The Main Event
Heavy thump! Top bunk occupant has awoken. Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, soon followed by medium thump of middle bunk occupant & more pitter-patters. Whispering ensues & bottom bunk occupant emerges. The whispers verge on the brink of actual voice audibility with shushes & other orders issued by the oldest sibling, he is all of almost 8 after all!
Their daddy & I follow suit, whispering amongst ourselves. Discussion of breakfast ideas, how we slept (ha ha) & so on. Daddy dons a red cape & takes the lead getting up & prepping boys for the day, taking dogs out, firing up the generator & so on. When he had whispered to me he had coffee & sugar & creamer I had to burst with glee "Oh, I love you!!" My hero!! After I had unwillingly gone through caffeine detox - no soda or coffee - for over a week.
Boys begging for M&Ms, marshmallows & other non-breakfast items settle for bacon & eggs instead. I hear our nearly 8 year old say, "I think Mommy is a Bed-Zombie because she won't wake up". He is right, I am a Bed-Zombie, just not always sleeping, often longing for sleep with legs fidgeting & my mind wandering. Husband reports snow has melted quite a bit over night -Thank God! It's too bad the other family did not stay, having left late in the evening. I ask why Husband has not taken us camping in the summer - his smirky reply is "..because I don't like bugs." I'm still in bed with a robe on for added warmth, thinking the bugs are smarter than we are.
After breakfast & layering everyone in thermals, 2 pairs of socks, sweatshirts, coats & hiking boots we drove to the trail to the lake where my husband has come to fish for about 20 years. Now, for the first time his wife & sons were introduced to the spot. I notice deer-hunters' foot-prints in the snow, they had been here the day before. I found it highly amusing that there now lay deer tracks weaving through their boot imprints. Then we found bear tracks. I was a bit concerned that lack of common sense kept us from changing direction rather than continuing on in our jaunt to the lake, the same direction the bear seemed to have gone before us. The fact that our dogs seemed totally unconcerned helped me feel a smidgen better, since fishing poles, folding chairs & a pocket knife seemed inadequate resources to fight off a bear if need be.
My hips ached, my arms burned with pain from carrying just a few items, including a tote bag with medicine, camera & notepad, etc. Stopping frequently & as if a child in the backseat of a station-wagon I kept asking "are we there yet?" between panting breaths. It was, thankfully, a fairly wind-free day & the sun even pushed its way through the clouds from time to time. The shore was sandy with tiny bits of snow mingled in. No sooner had we arrived then there were echoing comments uttered in slightly whiny little boy voices, "I'm bored" "I'm hungry" "Can we go back to the camper now?" "Can we go home?" Like militant soldiers we issued answers & doled out provisions. Camp Robbers, also called Gray-Jays came to keep us company. They swooped in to eat cracker pieces I purposely dropped for them. They kept our dogs highly amused & busy chasing them away, even the boys got in on the action. Our 6 year old remarked that we were catching more birds than fish. I had to laugh at the validity of the statement, but mind you it hadn't been long. The birds were using the fishing rods as perches. Becoming quite comfortable with us a gray jay landed on my head starling me as I uttered "don't poop" & sending my husband into deep laughter. I was so grateful for the still air that was almost warm as the sun kept trying to push its way through the clouds. The quiet was so comforting to my soul, as was the chair for my exhausted, worn out body. About 45 minutes after lunch the first rainbow trout was caught & about 40 minutes after that a second. Each time it was as if Mother Nature was giving us a nod of approval - the sun shone warmly down on us, the campfire took hold, a Gray-Jay landed on my foot & on my lap. The kids were curious about the fish continuing to flop in the gunny-sack. Even the bait seemed more lively than I at this point. It wriggled through the dirt with ease & agility. I know something is wrong when I'm jealous of fishing bait's liveliness! Cloud formations made me wish that fibro-brain-fog hadn't erased so much of what I had once learned. I had read a book on symbolism but forgotten it. As I wondered what first an eagle, a horse, a fish & a deer represented, as I made the clouds out to be in these formations.
The day wore on without laundry woes nor dishes nor video games, it was lovely. Just note to any city-dwellers, when roughing it on an outing in the woods & needing to squat, to take care of business, it is important to first note the lay of the land. Make sure neither foot is on the downhill slope. As a trivia bonus I will also tell you that toilet paper is avidly referred to as "mountain money" having an elevated status as a luxurious multi-purposeful necessity, being used for runny noses & dirty hands as well. The fishing was at a lull but the boys found a frog & the dogs kept busy on chipmunk & squirrel patrol. We took a different trail back to the truck & I was given more help in carrying items, plus it was downhill, yea! At one point a large tree had fallen across the trail, we had to climb over it. Our smallest family member hollered out as he struggled over it, "Think dis a bad idea guys!" but managed to continue on. A bit further on he declared "Wow, dat pretty "mazing!" over something he saw along the way. Our 6 1/2 year old was eager to carry the bag of fish, which is good because I wasn't! He kept singing "We got 2 rainbow trout" over & over in various formats ending with a rap rendition. He then stated that the fish were hard to carry because 1 kept slapping his leg. A moment later he confidently proclaimed "there, I made them dizzy by running, now they aren't slapping me any more" A short time after this he asks, "Mom, are bears real?" I said yes & he asked why one hadn't come to eat him since he's carrying fish & Bears eat fish. I said the bear must have had other things to do today & we're lucky! After stopping to fetch (not buy) firewood, we came back to our make-shift home: camper, circus-tent-canopy ( the tarp over the table) & what our friends had deemed "the French Quarter" due to our old exterior house lights which my husband recycled onto stands to use for out-door camp - lighting. Oh, & last but not least, our child size zoo animal bench. The boys were fearful of their marshmallow roasting status with the fire off to a dull start so Dad appeased them & tickled them silly by pouring "girl-scout juice" (aka: gasoline) on it with blazes roaring in response. The boys found it fun to set a round of wood for Dad to split then carry & stack it, I'm sure if it was a more regular ritual the fun would wear off quickly but for now, thankfully, they enjoyed helping out. Crash kept saying something we were trying to understand & finally got it right. He saw the sparks from the fire & was calling them fire-midges! Midges are like gnats & in mass quantity in the summer where we live.
Seeing my husband in his element was like seeing a whole different person. It's hard to be who we really are when we work a zillion hours then habitually meld into the couch in exhaustion. It also is difficult to be our true selves when we are wracked with pain. Although today's event's have devastating consequences on my health, I'm glad to have witnessed first hand the making of these memories.
Their daddy & I follow suit, whispering amongst ourselves. Discussion of breakfast ideas, how we slept (ha ha) & so on. Daddy dons a red cape & takes the lead getting up & prepping boys for the day, taking dogs out, firing up the generator & so on. When he had whispered to me he had coffee & sugar & creamer I had to burst with glee "Oh, I love you!!" My hero!! After I had unwillingly gone through caffeine detox - no soda or coffee - for over a week.
Boys begging for M&Ms, marshmallows & other non-breakfast items settle for bacon & eggs instead. I hear our nearly 8 year old say, "I think Mommy is a Bed-Zombie because she won't wake up". He is right, I am a Bed-Zombie, just not always sleeping, often longing for sleep with legs fidgeting & my mind wandering. Husband reports snow has melted quite a bit over night -Thank God! It's too bad the other family did not stay, having left late in the evening. I ask why Husband has not taken us camping in the summer - his smirky reply is "..because I don't like bugs." I'm still in bed with a robe on for added warmth, thinking the bugs are smarter than we are.
After breakfast & layering everyone in thermals, 2 pairs of socks, sweatshirts, coats & hiking boots we drove to the trail to the lake where my husband has come to fish for about 20 years. Now, for the first time his wife & sons were introduced to the spot. I notice deer-hunters' foot-prints in the snow, they had been here the day before. I found it highly amusing that there now lay deer tracks weaving through their boot imprints. Then we found bear tracks. I was a bit concerned that lack of common sense kept us from changing direction rather than continuing on in our jaunt to the lake, the same direction the bear seemed to have gone before us. The fact that our dogs seemed totally unconcerned helped me feel a smidgen better, since fishing poles, folding chairs & a pocket knife seemed inadequate resources to fight off a bear if need be.
My hips ached, my arms burned with pain from carrying just a few items, including a tote bag with medicine, camera & notepad, etc. Stopping frequently & as if a child in the backseat of a station-wagon I kept asking "are we there yet?" between panting breaths. It was, thankfully, a fairly wind-free day & the sun even pushed its way through the clouds from time to time. The shore was sandy with tiny bits of snow mingled in. No sooner had we arrived then there were echoing comments uttered in slightly whiny little boy voices, "I'm bored" "I'm hungry" "Can we go back to the camper now?" "Can we go home?" Like militant soldiers we issued answers & doled out provisions. Camp Robbers, also called Gray-Jays came to keep us company. They swooped in to eat cracker pieces I purposely dropped for them. They kept our dogs highly amused & busy chasing them away, even the boys got in on the action. Our 6 year old remarked that we were catching more birds than fish. I had to laugh at the validity of the statement, but mind you it hadn't been long. The birds were using the fishing rods as perches. Becoming quite comfortable with us a gray jay landed on my head starling me as I uttered "don't poop" & sending my husband into deep laughter. I was so grateful for the still air that was almost warm as the sun kept trying to push its way through the clouds. The quiet was so comforting to my soul, as was the chair for my exhausted, worn out body. About 45 minutes after lunch the first rainbow trout was caught & about 40 minutes after that a second. Each time it was as if Mother Nature was giving us a nod of approval - the sun shone warmly down on us, the campfire took hold, a Gray-Jay landed on my foot & on my lap. The kids were curious about the fish continuing to flop in the gunny-sack. Even the bait seemed more lively than I at this point. It wriggled through the dirt with ease & agility. I know something is wrong when I'm jealous of fishing bait's liveliness! Cloud formations made me wish that fibro-brain-fog hadn't erased so much of what I had once learned. I had read a book on symbolism but forgotten it. As I wondered what first an eagle, a horse, a fish & a deer represented, as I made the clouds out to be in these formations.
The day wore on without laundry woes nor dishes nor video games, it was lovely. Just note to any city-dwellers, when roughing it on an outing in the woods & needing to squat, to take care of business, it is important to first note the lay of the land. Make sure neither foot is on the downhill slope. As a trivia bonus I will also tell you that toilet paper is avidly referred to as "mountain money" having an elevated status as a luxurious multi-purposeful necessity, being used for runny noses & dirty hands as well. The fishing was at a lull but the boys found a frog & the dogs kept busy on chipmunk & squirrel patrol. We took a different trail back to the truck & I was given more help in carrying items, plus it was downhill, yea! At one point a large tree had fallen across the trail, we had to climb over it. Our smallest family member hollered out as he struggled over it, "Think dis a bad idea guys!" but managed to continue on. A bit further on he declared "Wow, dat pretty "mazing!" over something he saw along the way. Our 6 1/2 year old was eager to carry the bag of fish, which is good because I wasn't! He kept singing "We got 2 rainbow trout" over & over in various formats ending with a rap rendition. He then stated that the fish were hard to carry because 1 kept slapping his leg. A moment later he confidently proclaimed "there, I made them dizzy by running, now they aren't slapping me any more" A short time after this he asks, "Mom, are bears real?" I said yes & he asked why one hadn't come to eat him since he's carrying fish & Bears eat fish. I said the bear must have had other things to do today & we're lucky! After stopping to fetch (not buy) firewood, we came back to our make-shift home: camper, circus-tent-canopy ( the tarp over the table) & what our friends had deemed "the French Quarter" due to our old exterior house lights which my husband recycled onto stands to use for out-door camp - lighting. Oh, & last but not least, our child size zoo animal bench. The boys were fearful of their marshmallow roasting status with the fire off to a dull start so Dad appeased them & tickled them silly by pouring "girl-scout juice" (aka: gasoline) on it with blazes roaring in response. The boys found it fun to set a round of wood for Dad to split then carry & stack it, I'm sure if it was a more regular ritual the fun would wear off quickly but for now, thankfully, they enjoyed helping out. Crash kept saying something we were trying to understand & finally got it right. He saw the sparks from the fire & was calling them fire-midges! Midges are like gnats & in mass quantity in the summer where we live.
Seeing my husband in his element was like seeing a whole different person. It's hard to be who we really are when we work a zillion hours then habitually meld into the couch in exhaustion. It also is difficult to be our true selves when we are wracked with pain. Although today's event's have devastating consequences on my health, I'm glad to have witnessed first hand the making of these memories.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Extreme Camping - Day 1 Getting There
We took 2 vehicles on our camp trip since the boys & I would be coming back earlier than my husband. The boys rode with him & the dogs with me. I enjoyed every minute of the peace & quiet, not even turning on the radio for our over 2 hour drive. The annual fall foliage color changes were pretty to observe. i had the back windows partially down for the furry babies & as we climbed in elevation I could actually hear the leaves quaking in the chilly wind. It had been 28*earlier this morning at our home located at about 4,000 feet elevation. Now, the road we traveled seemed to only lend itself to other campers, raised up 4 wheel drive trucks & an occasional semi-truck as we climbed to 6,000 feet elevation. The road signs seemed to stick out more than usual with their ominous messages: "carry traction devices" "do not pass snow plows on the right" & so on. We climbed ever higher on this lightly trafficked road, the various pine trees seemed to encroach upon the roadway, leaning in from either side nearly enveloping us. My leery concerns & the weather forecast came to fruition as I began to see patches of snow scattered here & there. For a brief space the trees gave way to a view of a lake, choppy with wind-induced waves. Still we traveled on. The wild shrubs & plants seemed to be waving us back as if a warning. Then the scattered patches of snow took over, reversing the order of things, now patches of earth were the rarity to see & soon non-existent. Even the pine trees were more white than green.
We finally arrived at our snow covered destination. The family joining us for at least a little while arrived shortly after us. I shoveled snow off a picnic table. My husband leveled the camper & a fire was built. Chairs were put out & snacks made handy. The collective group of now 5 boys wasted no time in making a huge snowball. A bird chirped excitedly at our arrival, probably in hopes of crumbs. The dogs played happily in the snow. A canopy was erected over the picnic table & towels helped finish drying off the previously snow ensconced sign of civilization (aka-the table). A comment was made about "welcome to the big top" & appropriately so because the bird's eye view did resemble a bit of a circus.
We finally arrived at our snow covered destination. The family joining us for at least a little while arrived shortly after us. I shoveled snow off a picnic table. My husband leveled the camper & a fire was built. Chairs were put out & snacks made handy. The collective group of now 5 boys wasted no time in making a huge snowball. A bird chirped excitedly at our arrival, probably in hopes of crumbs. The dogs played happily in the snow. A canopy was erected over the picnic table & towels helped finish drying off the previously snow ensconced sign of civilization (aka-the table). A comment was made about "welcome to the big top" & appropriately so because the bird's eye view did resemble a bit of a circus.
Despite the elevation induced ear ache, the cold & wet aching in my bones & not just surrounding us, it all somehow made me smile. My 6 year old in a giant coat, my 3 year old crying to go home because his hands are wet & cold after begging for a week "When are we going camping?". Seeing my husband in his element-sharing with his wife & children the spot where his family & their close friends have gathered annually for 23 years & will return for the 24th year in just a few days. Trails originally forged around & to the nearby lake by his great-grandfather, still in use today. I've retreated to the camper to write. Through the window I see comradery of 3 families, I hear the fire crackling & snow falling off the trees, conversation flowing. I brave the cold once more to actually try to take part in it all. Besides, the chicken should be grilling soon!
The snow continued to melt, falling in startling clumps as it melted off the trees. All notion of time was lost & pinky promises were made to roast marshmallows tomorrow. I made my retreat to the camper with the kids, all 5 of the boys! They with their chocolate milk & "Danger Mouse" cartoon video (hooray for the generator) I with my medicine, dry pajamas, robe, socks, notepad & pen. It feels like home but instead of a neighbor's cat or dog it may be a bear I see out the window! So ends Day 1.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Fall Is In The Air & Immenently On The Ground
As I awoke in my semi-chilly bedroom to cartoons blaring from the living-room I unwillingly got up. After a bit of slow movement & mindlessly shoveling cereal into my mouth I was prodded into action by my husband's taunt, "are you ever going to get moving this morning?" I checked the weather forecast on the computer & saw it was a balmy 28* this morning, giving me the urge to sunbathe, no, more like "cloud-bathe". Yeah, gotta work on that tan no matter what ya know?-Said by me, the pasty white chick writing this !
Instead I countered this minute urge with actually packing for our family-fun-filled-extended weekend of camping in the boon-toolies. I packed my clothes, personal items, medicine & other items to plan for every & any contingency. I can attribute this handy little quirk to being a realist, or what my husband calls a pessimist. Call it what you want, it's better to have junk you don't need than to be in a remote, isolated area & need junk you don't have. I even packed for boredom, kid card games, drawing paper, movies & a hand held game system. I remembered dog food & band aids & toothbrushes (for the kids, not the dogs, hee hee). Yes, Super-mom, that is, until I found out about the one contingency I hadn't planned on. My 6 yr old left his coat at school. Go figure huh? I have to draw the line at breaking into the elementary school to scavenger-hunt through their lost & found box on a Saturday morning. We will manage somehow. A bon-fire, one of Daddy's over sized-coats & my happy pills & anti-anxiety meds should take care of everything! Somehow cloud-bathing is becoming more appealing too. But no! Family fun damn it, that's what this is about, for the kids by golly!!! For the kids. Will they know what I went through? No, They may not even remember the trip at all, but I'll be there with camera in tow, clicking away to make sure they have no choice but to remember.
Yesterday I saw a lady in Walmart using a scooter. I envied her bravery as I am too embarrassed to use one. To filled with anxiety over the possibility of someone confronting me with the "You're not that old, you look fine to me, why are you using this? My wife/husband/whomever needs one & there are none left!" Would I dare to answer or would I automatically assume my needs are insignificant in comparison to someone else's? After waiting in the car for the 2nd 1/2 of the shopping trip, unable to stand & walk any longer, I saw a man in the parking lot moving his scooter with grace & agility from between two cars & into the store. I admired him. I probably would have bumped into something, not knowing how to drive the things. Maybe once invisible illnesses become more readily understood & in the mainstream media, maybe then I will overcome my fears & actually seek the mobility-aids I need. But that is a big Maybe!
When I got something at another store quickly in & out & I climbed back into the truck my bad wrist (hyper mobility) buckled yet again. This time it did not snap one way or the other, it just completely collapsed, sending throbbing pain through my hand Wearing my wrist-brace nearly 24/7 makes me feel like that weird guy on "Prison Break" that has the dead hand sewn on one arm.
Well, the dogs are so happy after the camper taunting them in the driveway for a week or more, their day in the sun (so to speak) has finally come. They are thrilled. My husband even recycled a bit using our old outdoor houselights & mounting them to scrap lumber, building stands to have outdoor lighting run on the generator. Just so nobody stumbles about in the night. He also purchased string lights of trout & beer bottles-one must decorate appropriately for such an outing I suppose. Well, of course after buying such novelties there was no money left to get some of my medicine nor any of his. That man & his priorities I tell you what. But the heart wants who it wants...which may explain his staying with me as well. He is now getting ice for the ice-chests, then packing them & then the other crazy family will meet us & off we will go. So, if you don't hear from me by next Wednesday just know my high IQ hubby, who holds in all emotion until he explodes & has been given cutlery by his older brother always said what Scott Peterson did wrong & how it should properly be done. So, alert the Media if I'm not back in touch - OK?
Be Blessed, Dear Readers, whomever your higher power be. Be thankful for mobility in any form & for mobility aids being available. Be thankful for cameras & building family memories, no matter how or what the consequences.
Instead I countered this minute urge with actually packing for our family-fun-filled-extended weekend of camping in the boon-toolies. I packed my clothes, personal items, medicine & other items to plan for every & any contingency. I can attribute this handy little quirk to being a realist, or what my husband calls a pessimist. Call it what you want, it's better to have junk you don't need than to be in a remote, isolated area & need junk you don't have. I even packed for boredom, kid card games, drawing paper, movies & a hand held game system. I remembered dog food & band aids & toothbrushes (for the kids, not the dogs, hee hee). Yes, Super-mom, that is, until I found out about the one contingency I hadn't planned on. My 6 yr old left his coat at school. Go figure huh? I have to draw the line at breaking into the elementary school to scavenger-hunt through their lost & found box on a Saturday morning. We will manage somehow. A bon-fire, one of Daddy's over sized-coats & my happy pills & anti-anxiety meds should take care of everything! Somehow cloud-bathing is becoming more appealing too. But no! Family fun damn it, that's what this is about, for the kids by golly!!! For the kids. Will they know what I went through? No, They may not even remember the trip at all, but I'll be there with camera in tow, clicking away to make sure they have no choice but to remember.
Yesterday I saw a lady in Walmart using a scooter. I envied her bravery as I am too embarrassed to use one. To filled with anxiety over the possibility of someone confronting me with the "You're not that old, you look fine to me, why are you using this? My wife/husband/whomever needs one & there are none left!" Would I dare to answer or would I automatically assume my needs are insignificant in comparison to someone else's? After waiting in the car for the 2nd 1/2 of the shopping trip, unable to stand & walk any longer, I saw a man in the parking lot moving his scooter with grace & agility from between two cars & into the store. I admired him. I probably would have bumped into something, not knowing how to drive the things. Maybe once invisible illnesses become more readily understood & in the mainstream media, maybe then I will overcome my fears & actually seek the mobility-aids I need. But that is a big Maybe!
When I got something at another store quickly in & out & I climbed back into the truck my bad wrist (hyper mobility) buckled yet again. This time it did not snap one way or the other, it just completely collapsed, sending throbbing pain through my hand Wearing my wrist-brace nearly 24/7 makes me feel like that weird guy on "Prison Break" that has the dead hand sewn on one arm.
Well, the dogs are so happy after the camper taunting them in the driveway for a week or more, their day in the sun (so to speak) has finally come. They are thrilled. My husband even recycled a bit using our old outdoor houselights & mounting them to scrap lumber, building stands to have outdoor lighting run on the generator. Just so nobody stumbles about in the night. He also purchased string lights of trout & beer bottles-one must decorate appropriately for such an outing I suppose. Well, of course after buying such novelties there was no money left to get some of my medicine nor any of his. That man & his priorities I tell you what. But the heart wants who it wants...which may explain his staying with me as well. He is now getting ice for the ice-chests, then packing them & then the other crazy family will meet us & off we will go. So, if you don't hear from me by next Wednesday just know my high IQ hubby, who holds in all emotion until he explodes & has been given cutlery by his older brother always said what Scott Peterson did wrong & how it should properly be done. So, alert the Media if I'm not back in touch - OK?
Be Blessed, Dear Readers, whomever your higher power be. Be thankful for mobility in any form & for mobility aids being available. Be thankful for cameras & building family memories, no matter how or what the consequences.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Ages & Stages & Legislation
Yesterday my little Crash gave me a huge hug & said, "Mommy me wuv you & when you bake cookies me whowe duper wuv you!!!" And yes, speech therapy is helping the little tyke tremendously. Now, that little quote just reminds me of the old adage, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach". So, I went with it. Not in the sense of baking cookies, only because we didn't have all the ingredients nor time nor money to go to the store. But I went with it today instead.
Today my oldest son is 18 yrs old. I keep remembering a birthday party when he was in about 3rd grade where we taunted him & his friends letting them beat up a purple telletubby pinata since we all hated the telletubbies. I also keep remembering leaving the hospital with him dressed in little football sweats & lo0king like he had been on the loosing team playing without a helmet because he was so bruised up. Now, now he's a senior in high-school & plays offence, defence & special teams almost never leaving the football field. He's now taller than me & much bigger than me. So today I cooked him a special breakfast & Crash & I will bake him a cake.
Tomorrow is my 11th wedding anniversary, that's also hard to believe. I jokingly told my husband, "you realize that we've now been married long enough for me to get alimony from you?" He seemed bummed & we jested back & forth, it was quite fun. It is sad that many couples are forced to divorce because there is more financial aid & public assistance available to single people. Elderly couples who've been married for 60 years are divorcing to receive better government benefits. Now that's sad. I've actually known people who divorce so that the wife can qualify for student financial aid. Once a degree is obtained some of these people have gotten remarried. That is a sad state of affairs isn't it? I guess we all have to play by the rules however bizarre the rules are.
Speaking of rules, the fact that an 18 yr old can vote & die for his country but not old enough to drink is just bizarre to me. I guess my point is, some things really need changed in our government & laws. But I am sure I've worn a hole in my soap box from standing on it so often ranting away. Forgive me please.
Today is a rainy day in my part of the great Pacific North West. It is leaving me longing for a good book & lazing by the fire. I do believe Crash has other ideas though, as he keeps interrupting me every 2 minutes to discuss various things with me. I treasure these interruptions though because before long, he will be 18 like his big brother is today. The time slips by so fast.
Dear Readers Be Blessed & enjoy each stage & age of your life & your child's. Thank you for reading.
Today my oldest son is 18 yrs old. I keep remembering a birthday party when he was in about 3rd grade where we taunted him & his friends letting them beat up a purple telletubby pinata since we all hated the telletubbies. I also keep remembering leaving the hospital with him dressed in little football sweats & lo0king like he had been on the loosing team playing without a helmet because he was so bruised up. Now, now he's a senior in high-school & plays offence, defence & special teams almost never leaving the football field. He's now taller than me & much bigger than me. So today I cooked him a special breakfast & Crash & I will bake him a cake.
Tomorrow is my 11th wedding anniversary, that's also hard to believe. I jokingly told my husband, "you realize that we've now been married long enough for me to get alimony from you?" He seemed bummed & we jested back & forth, it was quite fun. It is sad that many couples are forced to divorce because there is more financial aid & public assistance available to single people. Elderly couples who've been married for 60 years are divorcing to receive better government benefits. Now that's sad. I've actually known people who divorce so that the wife can qualify for student financial aid. Once a degree is obtained some of these people have gotten remarried. That is a sad state of affairs isn't it? I guess we all have to play by the rules however bizarre the rules are.
Speaking of rules, the fact that an 18 yr old can vote & die for his country but not old enough to drink is just bizarre to me. I guess my point is, some things really need changed in our government & laws. But I am sure I've worn a hole in my soap box from standing on it so often ranting away. Forgive me please.
Today is a rainy day in my part of the great Pacific North West. It is leaving me longing for a good book & lazing by the fire. I do believe Crash has other ideas though, as he keeps interrupting me every 2 minutes to discuss various things with me. I treasure these interruptions though because before long, he will be 18 like his big brother is today. The time slips by so fast.
Dear Readers Be Blessed & enjoy each stage & age of your life & your child's. Thank you for reading.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Fashion Non-Sense & Dust Bunnies
Fashion-sense is such a misnomer, it truly ought to be called "fashion-nonsense" don't you agree? I suppose the fact that it makes zillions of cents instead is suppose to make up for that shortcoming.
Earlier this week I saw a photo of some new fashion line. The title of the article said something about fashion covering it's face. Naturally, that got my attention! The photo was a blonde model wearing thick gold chains across her face in a pattern that could only make one think of Hannibal Lector's character in Silence of the Lambs. If it hadn't grossed me out I would have laughed. I mean, was the designer angry at his wife - did she nag or cook a bad meal or were an immeasurable amount of drugs involved?
My 3 yr old son is apparently taking his fashion queues from MTV gangsta-rappers (& no I don't let him watch such nonsense) but where & how he was exposed to this venue is a total mystery to me. None the less, when asked to put on jammies the other night he came out without a shirt on, a pair of baggy shorts & a Scooby Do ski - hat all catywampus on his head. My 6 yr old is also learning is own hip-hop moves also by osmosis. I'm not sure what's going on but have to admit, the kid's got talent!
In other news we are having friends over for a BBQ this evening. The only concern of mine is that they won't treasure the dust-bunnies that I've been careful to allow to develop & nurture their growth & even name like I do. OK, you caught me, I don't love the dang dust bunnies, I just don't seem to be able to stop their reproductive cycle-does anyone have dust-bunny birth control ? Is that something I go to a vet for or do I look in the cleaning aisle of the store?? Pledge you say? Got some, it, as you may have already guessed, has dust on it too. Remodeling is a dirty business let me tell you. Just how do you dust the inside guts of a wall? I mean, some of that junk is suppose to be there isn't it? Good Grief!!!! Anyway, the wife is the cutest little Philippine woman you ever saw with a heart of gold! They went boating with us one day & she was content to man the BBQ & do all the cooking most of the day! She cleans constantly & even was employed as a housekeeper for sometime. Our home is, well....decidedly NOT anything like theirs except for the love factor. I'm so nervous, but when am I not a little human-chiwawa as my husband calls me? Hubby was moving my antique radio this morning to move the salt-water aquarium into its place & ended up with a dustpan full of our little friends, this one was so large I was looking for feet & / or a tail on it!!! Martha would absolutely drop dead here!
I also had the dear man tell me this morning quite frankly, "You've got to quit worrying so much over what other people think or say! You'd be less afraid of having a gun to your head than of being in a situation where someone might say something negative about you". I pictured this scenario as he spoke & without hesitation agreed. Heck, with a gun to my head I'd probably be reasoning with the gunman & trying to protect everyone. But say something nasty to me or have there be a slight chance of someone saying something & I crumble. Now I've just let loose my Achilles' heel, promise not to fling any arrows!!!! -please?
Be Blessed Dear Readers, wishing you all fashionable BBQs without dust-bunnies!
Earlier this week I saw a photo of some new fashion line. The title of the article said something about fashion covering it's face. Naturally, that got my attention! The photo was a blonde model wearing thick gold chains across her face in a pattern that could only make one think of Hannibal Lector's character in Silence of the Lambs. If it hadn't grossed me out I would have laughed. I mean, was the designer angry at his wife - did she nag or cook a bad meal or were an immeasurable amount of drugs involved?
My 3 yr old son is apparently taking his fashion queues from MTV gangsta-rappers (& no I don't let him watch such nonsense) but where & how he was exposed to this venue is a total mystery to me. None the less, when asked to put on jammies the other night he came out without a shirt on, a pair of baggy shorts & a Scooby Do ski - hat all catywampus on his head. My 6 yr old is also learning is own hip-hop moves also by osmosis. I'm not sure what's going on but have to admit, the kid's got talent!
In other news we are having friends over for a BBQ this evening. The only concern of mine is that they won't treasure the dust-bunnies that I've been careful to allow to develop & nurture their growth & even name like I do. OK, you caught me, I don't love the dang dust bunnies, I just don't seem to be able to stop their reproductive cycle-does anyone have dust-bunny birth control ? Is that something I go to a vet for or do I look in the cleaning aisle of the store?? Pledge you say? Got some, it, as you may have already guessed, has dust on it too. Remodeling is a dirty business let me tell you. Just how do you dust the inside guts of a wall? I mean, some of that junk is suppose to be there isn't it? Good Grief!!!! Anyway, the wife is the cutest little Philippine woman you ever saw with a heart of gold! They went boating with us one day & she was content to man the BBQ & do all the cooking most of the day! She cleans constantly & even was employed as a housekeeper for sometime. Our home is, well....decidedly NOT anything like theirs except for the love factor. I'm so nervous, but when am I not a little human-chiwawa as my husband calls me? Hubby was moving my antique radio this morning to move the salt-water aquarium into its place & ended up with a dustpan full of our little friends, this one was so large I was looking for feet & / or a tail on it!!! Martha would absolutely drop dead here!
I also had the dear man tell me this morning quite frankly, "You've got to quit worrying so much over what other people think or say! You'd be less afraid of having a gun to your head than of being in a situation where someone might say something negative about you". I pictured this scenario as he spoke & without hesitation agreed. Heck, with a gun to my head I'd probably be reasoning with the gunman & trying to protect everyone. But say something nasty to me or have there be a slight chance of someone saying something & I crumble. Now I've just let loose my Achilles' heel, promise not to fling any arrows!!!! -please?
Be Blessed Dear Readers, wishing you all fashionable BBQs without dust-bunnies!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I Wanna Be 3 Years Old Again
My little "Crash" will be 4 years old toward the end of November. This morning, after making me totally exasperated with his growling at me & "me so mad at you mommy" for wanting him to put on a jacket & socks & shoes to go outside before 8:00AM on a crisp Autumn morning in the Pacific Northwest, he stated 5 minutes later, "me willy wuv you mommy, whowe, duper much". I am loving seeing life through his eyes!
Here in this state, the unofficial motto is: "If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes". The same can be said for the emotions of my 3 yr old. I had mentioned that his socks didn't match (1 was patterned with some yellow on it & the other was completely white) and that 1 sock had a hole in it with his big toe popping out. He said quite non-shalantely, "yeah, me know, me like it dat way dow". Do have any idea how convenient that would be, how liberating, as adults if we could just wear pajama bottoms to work with a dress shirt or a fuzzy slipper on 1 foot & a flip flop on another because, we like it that way? How totally unencumbered life could be. We can color the sky red & green, with blue grass, we can eat gummy fruit snacks for breakfast & cookies for dinner & a full course dinner for lunch if we want. Pancakes without chocolate chips would be unheard of. The only thing in the world better than Sesame Street would be watching it with a friend with your heads hanging upside down over the edge of the couch. The only worry would be whether we needed to go to the store for more strawberry or chocolate milk mix or not. The only requirement that you would be nagged about would be to remember to wipe, flush & wash when in the bathroom. Otherwise, as my oldest son's first baby sitter's daughter use to sing, "Don't worry, be happy, toys are in the toy box"!!!
Yup, I really wanna be 3 years old again & I'm already mourning the loss of that age in my little guy too, even though it isn't for another 2 months. Dear Readers, today I wish you your own remembrances of 3 years old and whomever your higher power be, Be Blessed!
Here in this state, the unofficial motto is: "If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes". The same can be said for the emotions of my 3 yr old. I had mentioned that his socks didn't match (1 was patterned with some yellow on it & the other was completely white) and that 1 sock had a hole in it with his big toe popping out. He said quite non-shalantely, "yeah, me know, me like it dat way dow". Do have any idea how convenient that would be, how liberating, as adults if we could just wear pajama bottoms to work with a dress shirt or a fuzzy slipper on 1 foot & a flip flop on another because, we like it that way? How totally unencumbered life could be. We can color the sky red & green, with blue grass, we can eat gummy fruit snacks for breakfast & cookies for dinner & a full course dinner for lunch if we want. Pancakes without chocolate chips would be unheard of. The only thing in the world better than Sesame Street would be watching it with a friend with your heads hanging upside down over the edge of the couch. The only worry would be whether we needed to go to the store for more strawberry or chocolate milk mix or not. The only requirement that you would be nagged about would be to remember to wipe, flush & wash when in the bathroom. Otherwise, as my oldest son's first baby sitter's daughter use to sing, "Don't worry, be happy, toys are in the toy box"!!!
Yup, I really wanna be 3 years old again & I'm already mourning the loss of that age in my little guy too, even though it isn't for another 2 months. Dear Readers, today I wish you your own remembrances of 3 years old and whomever your higher power be, Be Blessed!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
The Diseased Spider
To call this story "MY Diseased Spider" would indicate I have some sort of ownership over it, sadly, it seems to own me more often than not. I had not invited this atrocity into my life nor my home, yet here he was all the same. To some he was deemed an innocuous, petty irritant, not worthy of recognition much less trying to dislodge him. To me, however, he was a much greater threat.
This unwelcome house guest was spinning an evil web of connections from one area to another where none should be. It pained me to watch how effortlessly he was taking over what had once been my domain. His mere existence terrifying me, rendering me nearly immobile with fear & disdain. I was powerless to defeat this monster, although to some, my reaction seemed melodramatic & ridiculous. I was overcome by this entity's presence & venomous state. Abruptly I edged further away from the things in my life I once enjoyed, wincing with each backwards step. Nearly reduced to tears, I tried to turn my back & run away from it. One cannot escape what resides within however, & each day I found myself checking for more signs of its existence. Fearfully wanting to pinpoint this monster & overpower it, ridding it from my life. Ah, but this creature was tricky & adept at hiding, lurking & expanding its web, thus creating even more painful connections with twists & turns. Some laughed at my trepidations & the fact I'd subcommed to something they deemed so petty. Why couldn't my pain be realized, understood & treated? Why did others not see the magnitude & imploding effect of this unwanted house guest?
I tried in many ways to exterminate what lay within, but each failed attempt killed a little of myself instead. The weight of this inextinguishable parasite grew heavy within. Over time it became difficult for me to know where it ended (if at all) & I began - or if I still even existed in my true form? The toxins I used in hope of regaining my life created difficulties of their own. Do I even remember how to step forward anymore rather than back? If so, my grace is surely gone. I will hobble with a red-flagged limp stating of its own "This person has been damaged in ways you cannot see". Even one rickety, faltering step forward, even if only inches, is still a victory worth fighting for. I have no chance of being who I was before, but hopefully a chance of possibly being better than I am.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Yup, My Life Has Changed
I recently took a friend out to help cheer her up at her place of choice. We ended up in a smoke filled, maximum capacity obtained, small bar with patrons singing karaoke. There were a lot of nice looking young people there & a few who didn't fit that description. Now, back in the day I would have been flirting most likely. Now, however, I looked at these people & thought, "hm, I know I'm old enough to be his or her mother, maybe his mom too". Now that just takes the fun outta the whole deal right there I tell you what! I am no longer sensing myself as a vibrant woman, but rather as a mother with no sexuality attached at all. I'm even understanding for the first time & envying how my grandparents had separate twin beds with a night stand between them! I'd sleep so much better without my husband's arm occasionally drifting over to my side of the bed or cover pulling tug-of-war.
Seeing the world through young, innocent eyes is a nice reminder of days gone by & helps make up for the above paragraph full of age-acknowledgement. My husband recently made a retaining wall in our front yard. My 3 yr old asked, "What dis gonna be mom?" I answered him saying, "It's going to be a flower bed full of pretty flowers." My son then excitedly said, "Oh yeah, fwower bed, me want to seep in it!" (translation: Oh yeah, a flower bed, I want to sleep in it!"). I believe he mentioned it & he would smell good too. Not only does my 3 yr old have a new take on what a "flower bed" is but he also managed to teach his father, an Information Systems Manager, a new computer trick by what he managed to do to my little PC in just a matter of seconds. He's definitely Daddy's boy!!!
I guess that would make my daughter all mine. She recently dented our pickup truck's bed turning a corner too sharp & hitting a pole in a drive up coffee/juice stand. She was told to get an estimate to have it fixed. Apparently she got a "cuteness discount" only being quoted $400. with an on the spot estimate despite the place advertising estimates by appointment only. She claims she couldn't have looked too good being in her cross-country running uniform but apparently the body shop would disagree with that - Whoopee!!!
Well Dear Readers, whomever your higher power be, Be Blessed & enjoy each stage of your life!
Seeing the world through young, innocent eyes is a nice reminder of days gone by & helps make up for the above paragraph full of age-acknowledgement. My husband recently made a retaining wall in our front yard. My 3 yr old asked, "What dis gonna be mom?" I answered him saying, "It's going to be a flower bed full of pretty flowers." My son then excitedly said, "Oh yeah, fwower bed, me want to seep in it!" (translation: Oh yeah, a flower bed, I want to sleep in it!"). I believe he mentioned it & he would smell good too. Not only does my 3 yr old have a new take on what a "flower bed" is but he also managed to teach his father, an Information Systems Manager, a new computer trick by what he managed to do to my little PC in just a matter of seconds. He's definitely Daddy's boy!!!
I guess that would make my daughter all mine. She recently dented our pickup truck's bed turning a corner too sharp & hitting a pole in a drive up coffee/juice stand. She was told to get an estimate to have it fixed. Apparently she got a "cuteness discount" only being quoted $400. with an on the spot estimate despite the place advertising estimates by appointment only. She claims she couldn't have looked too good being in her cross-country running uniform but apparently the body shop would disagree with that - Whoopee!!!
Well Dear Readers, whomever your higher power be, Be Blessed & enjoy each stage of your life!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Fight or Flight Response & Worn Out Blankies
A more recent theory regarding Fibromyalgia is that the affected person's fight-or-flight response mechanism, which is only meant for short term sporadic use to get us out of a sticky situation, gets turned permanently on. This perma-on status leads to deplenished levels of various brain chemicals which are just a tad important to say the least. Researchers try to associate this to a traumatic event which could have triggered such an episode. For me, it was probably a lifetime of abusive relationships & being threatened, assaulted, and so on.
Back in my youth I had thought of myself as strong, able to handle anything & more than willing to put a cad or jerk in his place if he dared to mess with a friend of mine. I felt fairly invinsible. Even though I wanted to die inside & often would drink in excess then attempt to go swimming or wander out to the middle of the road to "look at the pretty lights" not the healthiest pass time one could engage in. Despite it all, I survived, just to further endure more negativity. Once I finally became so crippled with Fibromyalgia that I could hardly walk any longer, while concurrently coming down with migraines with the prodromol effect of blindness & being a single mother to 2 preschoolers, I could no longer fight my way out of situations.
Enter the era of the beloved blankie! My bed, for some reason had always felt like a safe haven for me. A soft, comforting, warm, snugly area to either curl up in a ball & cry into my pillow, beg for an end to it all, or stretch out in comfort. Even though one night I woke up in pitch blackness with the ominous feeling of someone watching me, only to make out the outline of a figure in my room right before he lunged on top of me covering my mouth with his hand. Still, I managed to maintain a feeling of security in my bed, just not my home! I won't go into the post-traumatic stress disorder I suffered from for years or how it still effects which seat or table I choose at a restaurant or other such place, we'll save that for another time or not at all.
Apparently when I have no way to fight & no where to run away to- my bed is my escape from it all. Pulling a "chicken little" or ostrich syndrome with head buried under covers, just allowing a small viewing area to the world beyond my pillow as I try to convince myself that the sky isn't really falling. Sometimes Xanax can be a great help in moderating this debate within my mind.
Over the years I've become more sensitive to sound, additionally I worry to no end about kids, bills, marriage, various other things too trivial & bizarre to mention, but the cure is still the same-my bed. Sometimes I wish my view from my bed to the window was filled with more light or less, I think of projects I'd do if only, if only I could feel free enough to get out of bed. Mind you when I hear a strange sound, my husband has deemed all my "strange sounds that I hear" as "fly farts in Mexico" I am the one to lunge forward & go on patrol through the house & look about outside. When nothing is found I regret the time lost from my bed & return to it, re-establishing the comfort process with pillows being just so & so on. Being a tad paranoid, I thought there was something wrong with me having this obsession with my bed, but I've found out differently.
This is just a version of the fight or flight response turned permanently on in us quirky Fibromyalgia patients. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or not, but at least I understand it a little better! I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Despite my love affair with my bed, blankets, pillows & so on, I normally awaken feeling like I've been beaten by baseball bats from avid pinata seekers. I am not full of candy dang it, I'm just "festively plump"!!!
Till next time Dear Readers, I wish you perfect pillows, soft blankets, a comforter of perfect weight, size & texture, earplugs if you wish, an eye mask if you like & anything else necessary to comfort you. Be Blessed & sleep well.
Back in my youth I had thought of myself as strong, able to handle anything & more than willing to put a cad or jerk in his place if he dared to mess with a friend of mine. I felt fairly invinsible. Even though I wanted to die inside & often would drink in excess then attempt to go swimming or wander out to the middle of the road to "look at the pretty lights" not the healthiest pass time one could engage in. Despite it all, I survived, just to further endure more negativity. Once I finally became so crippled with Fibromyalgia that I could hardly walk any longer, while concurrently coming down with migraines with the prodromol effect of blindness & being a single mother to 2 preschoolers, I could no longer fight my way out of situations.
Enter the era of the beloved blankie! My bed, for some reason had always felt like a safe haven for me. A soft, comforting, warm, snugly area to either curl up in a ball & cry into my pillow, beg for an end to it all, or stretch out in comfort. Even though one night I woke up in pitch blackness with the ominous feeling of someone watching me, only to make out the outline of a figure in my room right before he lunged on top of me covering my mouth with his hand. Still, I managed to maintain a feeling of security in my bed, just not my home! I won't go into the post-traumatic stress disorder I suffered from for years or how it still effects which seat or table I choose at a restaurant or other such place, we'll save that for another time or not at all.
Apparently when I have no way to fight & no where to run away to- my bed is my escape from it all. Pulling a "chicken little" or ostrich syndrome with head buried under covers, just allowing a small viewing area to the world beyond my pillow as I try to convince myself that the sky isn't really falling. Sometimes Xanax can be a great help in moderating this debate within my mind.
Over the years I've become more sensitive to sound, additionally I worry to no end about kids, bills, marriage, various other things too trivial & bizarre to mention, but the cure is still the same-my bed. Sometimes I wish my view from my bed to the window was filled with more light or less, I think of projects I'd do if only, if only I could feel free enough to get out of bed. Mind you when I hear a strange sound, my husband has deemed all my "strange sounds that I hear" as "fly farts in Mexico" I am the one to lunge forward & go on patrol through the house & look about outside. When nothing is found I regret the time lost from my bed & return to it, re-establishing the comfort process with pillows being just so & so on. Being a tad paranoid, I thought there was something wrong with me having this obsession with my bed, but I've found out differently.
This is just a version of the fight or flight response turned permanently on in us quirky Fibromyalgia patients. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or not, but at least I understand it a little better! I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Despite my love affair with my bed, blankets, pillows & so on, I normally awaken feeling like I've been beaten by baseball bats from avid pinata seekers. I am not full of candy dang it, I'm just "festively plump"!!!
Till next time Dear Readers, I wish you perfect pillows, soft blankets, a comforter of perfect weight, size & texture, earplugs if you wish, an eye mask if you like & anything else necessary to comfort you. Be Blessed & sleep well.
Friday, September 14, 2007
An Official Holliday!
It was an official holiday here at your house last night. not one you will readily find on any calendar, but a holiday none the less! The occasion you ask? I made dinner - a real dinner! It was devoured for the most part-this despite not including macaroni and cheese. My 7 year old even asked for seconds of "smashed potatoes & that other stuff" pointing to the chicken fried steak. My 3 year old who originally had looked at it and stated, "Oh me hate that stuff" decided if big brother was having more, it was worth a shot.
Not only did I make dinner and put food away, I also did the dishes. I've been taking myself off medicines, frustrated with all the side effects and I'm regaining considerable energy. The problem with this is being unable to relax and sleep, which can be bothersome. I come to be jealous of the sleeping members of the household, then resentful, why should they get to sleep when I don't? sleep deprivation just adds to my craziness but I prefer the term "cute little quirks" it just sounds more fun & happy spirited! I get very loopy and slow to catch on to things being said, this is what I refer to as "child like innocence" -see, there's always a more chipper way to look at any situation. I know for certain, my family is not mourning any future or current sleep loss or other health burdens I may face. no, they are celebrating that Mom fed them something other than a sandwich, cereal, frozen food or hot-dogs. Oh, or my all time favorite mantra, "forage for food" meaning - clean out the fridge of leftovers or whatever else you feel like finding around the house. So yes, I, bzmomkfor cooked dinner tonight! Mark your calendars, it may just become an annual event - maybe.
Well good day Dear Readers, have a blessed day, for today I wish you satisfying, holiday-worthy dining.
Not only did I make dinner and put food away, I also did the dishes. I've been taking myself off medicines, frustrated with all the side effects and I'm regaining considerable energy. The problem with this is being unable to relax and sleep, which can be bothersome. I come to be jealous of the sleeping members of the household, then resentful, why should they get to sleep when I don't? sleep deprivation just adds to my craziness but I prefer the term "cute little quirks" it just sounds more fun & happy spirited! I get very loopy and slow to catch on to things being said, this is what I refer to as "child like innocence" -see, there's always a more chipper way to look at any situation. I know for certain, my family is not mourning any future or current sleep loss or other health burdens I may face. no, they are celebrating that Mom fed them something other than a sandwich, cereal, frozen food or hot-dogs. Oh, or my all time favorite mantra, "forage for food" meaning - clean out the fridge of leftovers or whatever else you feel like finding around the house. So yes, I, bzmomkfor cooked dinner tonight! Mark your calendars, it may just become an annual event - maybe.
Well good day Dear Readers, have a blessed day, for today I wish you satisfying, holiday-worthy dining.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
In Honor of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week:
September 10-16 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. September is Pain Awareness Month. So, in honor of this, as if I don't tell y'all enough already, I submit these 2 views of my life:
WAKING LIFE
Deplenished REM sleep takes its toll on cognitive function, memory skills are lowered & clumsiness elevated. Medications to combat Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & Fibromyalgia Syndrome often have side effects which worsen these already problematic routine functions, as well as lower response time and cause drowsiness. It is a vicious circle. I trade off these functions, these abilities, or lack there of, in hopes of combating pain. This is my life - I hold on to railing, careful & mindful of each stair step I take so as not to fall. Driving is out of the question unless I forgo the medicines and deal with the pain. The pain makes me more tense & irritable. knowing I'm more irritable upsets me & makes me more tense, this all adds to heightened pain, stiffness, fatigue. I try to get by & be as kind as possible, maybe accomplish something. It all drains me, making me so overwhelmingly tired. Then, the time comes for the project of attempting sleep. This is my life & that of many others with Fibromyalgia Syndrome & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome-welcome.
The Fine Art of Napping
It is my firm belief that it is to the American culture's detriment that we have not embraced the concept of napping. Be it a 15-20 minute power nap or a 30-60 minute siesta, there are many benefits to be had by resting one's body & mind for a bit.
As an "olympic-gold-medal-equivalent-napper" I am often viewed as lazy. The truth of the matter is - I am working very hard! I lay down & have to be in just the right position, I have to move a pillow between my knees to reduce tension on my hip. I have to have a pillow next to me for my arm to drape across & not pull too much. I then have to make myself aware of my body's alignment, being hypermobile it is easy to unknowingly contort into a position which will cause more strain on my body later. The next step is to deploy any & all relaxation steps in my arsenal. I work very hard at being aware of where various tension spots in my body are while lying in as comfortable of a position as possible. If my neck is stiff or hurting I need to know if I've over-extended it for example. Then there is the Restless Leg Syndrome to deal with. Then there is the restless leg syndrome to deal with. I try to taper my movement down from my leg to just my feet, to just my toes, from there I work on letting my mind be free from association of the movement at all. Breathing techniques are now used. Deep cleansing breath in as I imagine myself lilting upward, free of any weights - physical or emotional. I picture "blue sky days" & gently, slowly exhale all the built up pains & Tensions & Worries, allowing them to fall away from me. This process repeats with further cleansing breaths & visualization of "blue sky days" until I no longer have to think about it at all. I'm resting ever so gently on a fluffy white cloud. I am safe here, I am comforted, I am finally relaxed.
As you can see it is quite a process! But it helps rejuvenate me. Considering that during the night when most people get their REM sleep & muscles rebuild, we who suffer Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue & Restless Leg Syndrome wake up in pain - naps are necessary. Despite our best efforts at becoming comfortable we now must reposition ourselves because the pain is too great, it has awoken us from blissful slumber, taunting us to see if we can get back to sleep again. moving all the pillows about, stretching to help stave off the Restless Leg Syndrome, hoping my bad hip will allow me to lay on it - just for a little while. Again with the leg / feet fidgeting, again realigning the body, again sighing with frustration at this all too familiar situation. My mind buzzes, fully awake. Do I get up? If so, what do I do without waking the other 8 people, 2 dogs & 2 parrots in the house? If I get up am I starting a bad habit? I've found the answer is an unequivicable, undeniable yes - my internal clock then auto-wakes me at roughly the same time the next night, expecting to get up -again. So now I must work even harder to be comfortable, to quiet my legs & my mind & to drift back to sleep. I work very hard to be able to sleep, as you've just been given insgiht to. And, if you can now understand how difficult it is to sleep when one has FMS, CFS, RLS, imagine how difficult waking life is!
Be Blessed Dear Readers & be aware that people who "look fine" are not always fine, many suffer invisible illnesses & deal with eye-rolls & glares & even being told "get over it" which would never happen if we had something you could see.
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